The Problem Is Choice

i have been getting this question a lot lately, especially since the Final Year papers are approaching


Why Do I never seem to need to study or feel stressed or can still be so happy and hyper when the exams are just around the corner, Dont I Care?


to say the truth, I care,


i care a lot

but i just dont want to let others know that
i like having a shroud of mystery around me
i like people thinking that im happy, when im not
but ya, sometimes the emotions overwhelms you and you lose control for a while
but usually what you see of me isnt what is real
a mere shell
but sometimes you do see the real me
thats when you start hating me
because i myself hate me
so i need to put on a shell
so i can live through my school life in resonable shape
i dont like people to care about me
i find that it puts unneccesary stress on themselves and me
so i need to put on this mask
so people will think im happy and well
and doesnt have problems at all
thats the kind of person who doesnt need anyone to care for him
thats how i like my life to be

but regarding the exams part
i dont study much
even if i do i do it subconsciously
i do it during lessons and listen in class
rather then going home and trying to figure out everything by yourself and failing
except for a maths ive slept throughout the whole of term3 her lessons are just too boring

i dont like to study
i cant read a book without sleeping
much less read notes
i have no idea how im going to make it through my O Levels
so pray hard that i dont fall asleep in class

i detest people who study so much that other parts of life are neglected
even if it is during exam periods
i think of it as being controlled
i dont like being controlled
some people may think of it as focus or concentration
but i think its a waste of time
there's no point sacrifising health and sleep for books
sure it may be important but what about the other days
they are important too

the only reason why i care about my studies
are because of the ones who love me
my parents
they are the only reason i want to study
i dont want to be a burden
i dont want them to regret having me as their child
i dont want to make their sacrifises be wasted
i am probably going to study after looking at my parents
having to be able to take care of me and my brother
with love and joy
even though i know they wont see this
i want to thank them for everything
i want to study well so i can have a good job and give my parents and my future wife and children
a comfortable life, even if it means having 1 meal a day
that is if i dont do well in my studies...


i hope i can do you proud