woohoo twilight

sux

hahas

now i actually have some kind of idea wtf the story is about, i will attempt to convince you that this is not a novel teenage girls or anyone, for that matter, should read

i will attempt to dissect this book

without reading it........................lol

this is coming from a guy, a physics student with no background in literature whatsoever. so it may sound a bit unprofessional and you know, honest.

i came across 2 articles recently, which brought up the topic of twilight, and vampires in general

Cracked article on twilight
&
Cracked article on vampires

lets take a step back to when vampires were cool, or at least scary.

vampires used to belong in horror movies, with vampires like nosferatu and count dracula
they used to be scary and bite people, and occasionally had a reason to do so.
but the emphasis is on the biting and scaring

taking that away from them is the equivalent of taking the funny out of chris rock.

then we fast forward and reach twilight era.

where vampires sparkle.
firstly, WTF
rainbows sparkle
unicorns sparkle
care bears sparkle ( see the connection )
vampires do not

2nd, it has no point or meaning, either logically or as a literature device, is sparkling supposed to represent some innate goodness that only edward and friends have, which the rest do not. maybe im missing something here, but then again, maybe im not

then comes the writing style
Quoted from cracked.com:

The series is characterized by its exemplary writing style:

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.

"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies.


now you see why meyers (the author) and the producers are swimming in money.

so you get edward, meyers godlike boytoy and bella, the really smart girl whom everyone likes and is clumsy. because every protagonist needs exactly one 1 flaw.

so we go into book 1:
From cracked:

Despite being so plain, Bella is admired by everyone in her new hometown of Forks, Washington, especially Edward Cullen. Originally, Edward just wanted to eat her, but, disappointingly, realizes eventually that in fact what he is feeling is true love, and after a couple of days they start dating. After two or three weeks, Bella is begging him to turn her into a vampire because of true love.

then edward shows off his glittery goodness and they lie on the grass
Three hundred pages after "Oh, you like me too? No way, I thought you hated me!" and that kind of crap, the plot jumps out the window and commits suicide


book 2!:
realizing how much i wrote im just gonna skip ahead

lessons from this book

1) If a guy dumps you and says he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't mean it. All you have to do is beg and destroy your life to prove that you really love him, and he'll come right back and love you even more!

2) It is perfectly cool to string along innocent but decent guys who are crushing on you and then dump them immediately as soon as your ex-boyfriend reappears, and totally normal if said ex-boyfriend forbids you from seeing your old friend. After all, your love for your ex must be far stronger, because he makes you feel 'alive' and 'dangerous' since he's always on the verge of killing you. And stalking you. We can't really mention that enough.

if you read the book, think about it, does it make any sense?

FOR MORE GO TO CRACKED.COM

common opinion about this book is that it was written as meyers sexual fantasies rather than an actual novel. at least harry potter could have a little suspension of disbelief, for a while.

examples of good novels for me include: Watchmen, The Dark Knight Returns and i can't really think of anything else

www.lightamillioncandles.com