typically i get sad for a bunch of reasons. usually they're kind of obvious, like House not having a new episode this week, or FF13 not coming out in english in singapore.
but today is different, for some reason. i can't exactly pinpoint where and why i am so sad, or rather why i'm so not happy.
but i can tell you how this sad day started. it didn't even start today. yesterday at 2345 some person called me on a landline, i.e not a handphone, a 6xxxxxxx number. then the woman on the other line told me that she was from the air force recruitment and that i was no longer eligible for UAV and Air warfare officer, 2 out of 4 vocations which i applied for. first things first, i was 90% asleep during the phone call so i couldn't really make out much of it, just that i needn't go to some talk on saturday at cmpb which is difficult as hell to go.
then comes 2 problems. first thing it was april fools' day and it was close to midnight. no government agency calls near midnight, ever, or we would have the most efficient public service sector, so i thought to myself hey maybe it was a joke. second is that. since those 2 are actually the easier of the 2 vocations i'm applying for, then what about my other vocations, which is pilot and weapons officer, both of which are significantly harder to get into because they actually require flying. if i'm not even eligible for the easier ones, what chance do i have with the harder ones.
so i decide to call the hotline in the morning, i tried calling from 830 all the way to 10 before remembering it was good friday and no government agency would be working. fuck.
then my grandparents came to do some praying and burning incense paper. they do this every year because good friday is near the sao mu festival and my grandfather's ashes or something are in my house, for some reason, since my father is not the eldest son.
and my sore throat is still there since i caught "something" from my father. he has since healed but i still ave cough and sore throat for 3 weeks now. with the occasional headache and flu on and off throughout this period, i think it's pressure building up in my sinuses, but i don't know what causes it. i actually went to the MO in tekong about this and he made me wait 4 hours in the friggin waiting room for both my x ray and his diagnosis, only to tell me that its' better for me to see an outside doctor. WTF. on bookout day no less.
anyway, that 4 hours got me "kicked" out of drills squad. i was put on reserve team for missing the one session that i couldn't attend, the same day they needed to get "volunteers" who actually don't want to be in at all. nice
and then back to today, i got so tired after my lunch/breakfast of 2 paos, i fell asleep on 2 wheely chairs in front of the computer after i lost my connection, and i slept from 130 to 5 or 6. and waking up didn't feel as good as it should be.
during my internet time, i tried to find out more about the air force pilot selection process. and what i found was just a load of absolutely not helpful at all things. worst of which is that i need to get into OCS first before i can get into the air force, contradicting what the guys who brought us to the compass test and aeromedical centre told us, which was that we would be put into flying experience program before we went to australia for air grading.
i had to think about OCS. because i really really want to go, but i don't think i had done enough in the commanders' or even my own section mates' eyes to deserve a place there. so with that considered, i'm quite sad. someone told me that a PC said only about 70 per company would be going to command school, meaning roughly 25 to OCS and 50 to sispec. i have to be in the top 25 in my coy to get in the first place, and my ippt is just a pass and my soc is chui like hell.
I'm just really tired
also sick, feel my sinus building pressure again
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