So what I do on long moments of silence where I am both alone and separated from technology is to ponder and reflect. I know that may make me sound deep but it doesn't, it's actually more of letting my mind wander on to various unconnected and seemingly random ideas and events and things, which unfortunately happen to be myself more often than not (our brain is actually more selfish than we think we are), thus, reflecting.
You may be thinking, hey you have an iphone, you could use it on the bus. To that I say, not all the time, as i get car-sick when i read on a vehicle sometimes and that stops me from doing anything other than listen to music, which for some reason takes a backseat to pondering.
I will call this activity sidelining for reasons i will explain later.
So in the past i find myself sidelining pretty often, usually in the shower or on long trips in the bus. This particular trip was from my GodGrandma's house to Mustafa Shopping Centre. But now, i find that i have much less time for that. Don't get me wrong, i'm still as alone as ever, but the number of bus trips I've been taking have sharply decreased since i only need to take them twice a week. I also used to be able to do a lot of sidelining before i slept when i was young, up to 2 hours on my bed, in the dark. But now i usually find myself tired enough to fall asleep approximately half an hour, i don't know, time is much harder to gauge lying down without my glasses.
Honestly, i find this activity to be one of the most self-destructive things that i do. Mainly because I am such a pessimist and have such a low self-esteem that most conversations with myself, which unless i'm thinking about an abstract idea, would devolve into a self-blame session. Granted, this has happened a lot less lately, but still, given a large enough amount of time doing nothing and without access to other activities that keep my hands busy, self-worth levels down pretty quickly. (quote stolen from friend)
As a direct result of this, many of my self-descriptions for interviews or biographies, i like to tell people that i want to experience life through doing and not watching (and consequently sidelining). Because it seems like a pretty reasonable goal to have. That i (and also, everyone) should take more time to do things instead of watch things.
However, if there was no sidelining, this blog wouldn't exist. Or maybe it would, in the form of, i had bee hoon for lunch today.
~~~
On a completely unrelated note, i will explain to you what is baselining.
Multiple sources have confirmed that (by logical inference) HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOESN"T EXIST.
and not for the reason you would think.
(dubious science ahead)
Our squishy human brains are designed to lower your endorphin level (happy juice) if you experience the same type of happiness over a period of time, thereby requiring you to do something that will bring about a greater level of happiness to get the same amount of satisfaction. In other words, your brain is deliberately making it harder to be happy if you are happy for too long. Granted, it works for the reverse as well, because if your too sad for long, your brain will treat that level of sadness as normal or average and thus you need less to be happy with your sad pathetic miserable life.
I'm not sure if you can guess why i call this baselining.
Happily ever after does not exist in the way humans understand it because most stories talk about it like it's an award, something to be given out when you've finished your quest or saved the princess. As happy as marrying that princess may be, you will not so much as become happily ever after, but more like happy for quite a while before this joy tapers off. But that's not catchy at all.
The only foreseeable way to remain happy is to continuously do new and different and exciting things that will bring joy from different sources and different perspective.
Also, this brings up the fact that being sad actually enhances the experience of being happy. Like i mentioned, your brain will keep your "average" low if you are sad for some time. Thus, wouldn't the joy of doing something amazingly joyful that much greater if you had lived in a state of immense sadness.
Would it be worth it?
also, unrelated note, my dog can no longer walk on his hind left leg. I still haven't gotten the details from my vet.
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