Friends and a rant about complainers

no picture today

went to compass to study with jelena. put in a solid 3 hours in maths and a bit in chem. its ok, but i could have done more, its quite irritating to lose momentum once you start, because you just don't wanna start again.

went home and ate dinner with family outside.

anyway, lets' talk about something that's arbitrarily important.

FRIENDS

i have never been the most approachable guy in the room, not even when i'm alone. so i tend to wait for people to talk to me before i open my mouth, which is admittedly a bad habit. most of my friends know that i ususally have something to say about something, but most of the time i just don't say it. i just keep feeling like there's never a good opportunity to say certain things. i'll admit im a very loud person, it has to do with my upbringing. but so many times, i feel like everytime i open my mouth, i'm not really contributing to anything positively, i'm just filling my ego.

so i end up with less friends than i could have. in my class, we have a mean score of 54 out of 90, which is great and everything. but like some people pointed out, these scores were done by people who just do their work alone and they stand out, which i feel is quite sad actually. i mean i'm not undermining their efforts, i just felt that if they had shared, and if we had been more open to this kind of input, we'd score even better. elizabeth pointed out that in 2s02, which is like the best science class presently, i think, they have a great class bond and they share help with each other, like the best in certain subjects just teach what they know and the others do the same. this is also true in 2a06, the best arts class. so yeah, teamwork does help. the teachers have said it, the principal has said it, now i have said it (yeah i just put myself in the same league as teachers and principals).

i think what really stops us from getting even better results is the lack of social interaction. i used to describe our class as having too many negatives (as in charges, if you take physics you'd understand), and too few positives. too many of us in our class are reliant on people talking to them before they contribute. there is like only what 2 positives in our class and they can't do all the heavy lifting. i mean it's probably already too late to really do anything about it, but i'm just saying

(oh boy html humor)

also, another thing i cannot understand. people like to equate volunteering and trying to be a leader to boot licking and kissing ass. i hear a lot of these stories from army. i have been on both sides of the fence, i was once a follower who thought they kissed ass, and a leader (in some aspect, what have you). being a leader made me realise how minor and meaningless most people's complaints are. everyone likes to complain that we don't do this, don't do that, never help the students, say this say that during election then in liao then never do anything. if we take a very consequentialist viewpoint (look it up), we can say that you stood to lose nothing through the votes and you didn't after it, so unless you lost a pound of flesh when you draw that circle on the oas, you can't really have anything to say.

i mean people stand up and we volunteer and we say, hey maybe i can do something to help. and people shoot us down and say, you selfish, you useless, you this you that. take a moment and think about how unfair and more importantly how unjustified that statement was. i mean, sometimes, people out of sheer goodwill and altruism, decide to help his fellow man and people take advantage. scott adams was right, people are selfish, greedy and horny, and that will never change.

if we took another point of view and said, but you really didn't help me with . think about that request for a minute, and then think about how ridiculously selfish it was. chances are 9 out of 10 times, the request directly benefitted you, and more importantly, at the expense of someone or something else, and also, did you think of the adverse impact on someone else when you complained. i mean, if we could do something to help you that will not directly or indirectly affect something else adversely, we'll do it, and we'll do it happily. here's an example, during the student forum last year, one of the biggest complaint was how the timetable was screwed up. some people wanted it to be longer, some wanted it to be shorter. how in the world is mrs tan supposed to make everyone happy like that, she has to accommodate everyone, encluding the teachers, who graciously have accepted what they were given, in other words they didn't even have a say in it (i think). now think back and ask yourself if you thought about the teachers or even better, the uncles and aunties who lock up after you leave. so ya, people are retarded.

so think about it, if you were to rate all the individual councillors on how they helped you, they would probably all fail. because you are THAT selfish.

(oh the geekyness)

for the longest time i have had friends who are anti-social. and more importantly, because i tried to be more like them, i became more anti-social as well. i kind of think that was a dumb mistake on my part. a lot of times i wanted to do something and because i had no friends who wanted to join me, i ended up backing out, which i sometimes regretted. in this kind of scenarios, i really don't know how to act. should i go for it and end up alienating my friends, or should i not go and waste a perfectly good opportunity.

as i grew up, i became more appreciative of opportunities, especially to do things i have hever tried before. but the reluctance and the hesitation never went away with age. with each new endeavour, i felt equally or even more afraid of trying. and sometimes without my friends, i ended up wasting it. i think that's what people in the industry like to call peer pressure. but i don't really know, it just feels like a lack of support.

also another thing as i grew up, i became more detached from "cliques" and just became this like wanderer from said "cliques". i mean it has it's benefits, at least i have a greater network now. but once in a while, i would think back and wonder what it would like to have a clique, just an exclusive group of maybe 4-6 friends who know anything and everything about each other. i think one thing is for sure, i certainly missed out on telling people my secrets, that's for sure. and whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is open to interpretation.

something jelena asked me as we boarded the mrt, you don't talk to your old friends one meh. then what if you'all like got something to say, you just don't say to anybody? i can't say this for all guys, but i now thts pretty much all that is from me. i don't really share with other people. that's why i keep a blog in the first place (actually that's the second reason, the first is to . that's not to say i'm not a good friend. i mean if i see someone that i am friends with, someone that i click with, i automatically have something to say and the other party also. just because we don't say things randomly, doesn't mean we have nothing to talk about when we in fact do meet. i thnk that if you can click with someone, even if you don't talk to them in a while, you won't ever really feel awkward around that person, not even in a million years.

it's never easy finding friends, but you will never feel that they be the ones who are stopping you from doing what you want.


unless you're taking drugs, then they'll stop you.

Shirt printing day

yesterday marks my third trip to queensway of memory, my second with regards to shirt printing

i went with sam to print some shirts for council. its still a damn long bus trip. met her in school after her lessons and then took the stupid 153 bus.

anyway, we reach there and we go to the shop where we called beforehand, on the phone he quoted 13.50. which i was like, okay not bad. we didn't have any print out of the design, just a soft copy in the thumbdrive. he showed us the catalogue and i saw, easily the most useful catalouge i will ever see in my life, why? it showed the different fabrics and colours with the cardboard over to keep it intact. it was a little weathered, but i would have still offered to buy it from him. anyway, sam wanted to see how it was printed, she wanted silkscreen printing EXACTLY. and i was like, i know a version which sucked but i didn't know the name. the guy said he wanted to see the design, so we had only the thumbdrive and he couldn't see it because the guy with the laptop wasn't here today. so we just looked the shirts he had as samples. sam couldn't find anything nice. so we went somewhere else. we also couldn't see a print sample because most of the shirts he does are for teams, so there are like jerseys and giant block names and numbers.

so went went upstairs and the first shop we saw was, well, professional, professional enough. she had the same sample catalogue, but the thing that probably set her shop apart was that she had shirts for you to try and an actual changing room. so she was talking to sam and i got out my paper with the details and i overheard something like $12.70, i was like ok, we can check it out. so we stayed there for some time trying the size and all that. after what, 45 minutes, we decided on the "right" blue, which on decision, thought, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE FROM MY ORIGINAL BLUE. anyway, it wasn't even my blue, it was the threadless'ss blue. we had to re-arrange the sizes because the shirt was a bit different from ours. but anyway, we were about to finalize all the details, then we realised one person we forgot, so we scrambled through all the lists and realised that we actually forgot one, and more importantly it was our teachers'. good thing right, lucky. well, we got the numbers down and then at the end, i saw at the price at the receipt, $17, the red light started going off in my head, and i was like giving this look to her, because the auntie was staring at us and it would be embarrassing to just scream out WTF. she also had this look like "i don't know". exactly what she didn't know i was confused. did she not know what i was trying to say without opening my mouth. was she confused about the price like me. was she thinking what in the world could make my face turn like that.

so she signed the receipt and the i paid the deposit. we walked out to the outside of the tattoo shop and i was like, wth so expensive i thought you said $12, then she also didn't know, so i said call her back and ask her about the quote at the start. so she did, and the shopkeeper said she would slash the price by a dollar. i doubt that would cut into her earnings by alot.

anyway, sam wanted to eat at ikea's, so we went there, and basically there were a lot of people. there was a queue where sam conveniently took her apple pie from, because "the queue was for the cooked food, you can just take the food from the counter." so she just took it and paid at the register where there is a significantly shorter queue. she asked me to get some shrimp on a bread, which i then promptly went there, stared at the counter for 5 minutes, while people were looking at me and then found nothing, i went back and she got it herself. and i also dropped a dollar on the floor without knowing, because she apparently gave me 6 dollars while i only took 5.

so i waited while she ate and started to observe the people around ikea. anyone notice that there are a LOT of middle aged people there. the ikea is becoming the one stop place where people go to feel more high class about themselves. its like the sushi restaurants when they opened, where people who go there surprisingly aren't japanese. come to think of it, i have never seen a japanese in a sushi restaurant ever. anyway, we went to subway because i wanted to eat there. i was ordering the sandwich while i realised i had only 2 dollars after paying the deposit, so i said you do take nets right. they didn't, so i panicked and asked sam for money, she didn't. i asked for the nearest atm which was downstairs. i ran down, but it was UOB, so i decided hey man, maybei could take my card and charge me a little for it. i tried twice, both failed. i ran over to ikea using the overhead bridge and finally got my money. i paid the guys from subway and promptly ate my footlong. footlongs are good. sam is quite disgusted by the amount i eat. hahas. anyway, that there was another chapter in my book of goofs, complete with the birthday incident. i bet i could make a killing selling my autobiography as a comedy book. hahas

no one asked me about the donating blood thing yet? what are you waiting for.


www.lightamiliioncandle.com

Orientation 09

fun
tiring
3 months of work for 4 days
worth giving freshman a good impression


anyway today is the last day, i was stuck with ava duty, which meant i din handle any technical stuff, just look after the ava people and give them instructions
so that meant i couldn't hang out with scavenger hunt people
thats sad

anyway, the finale went quite well, but it was only after close to 3 hours of rehearsals before we got to that level, if it was like last year, everything would have been screwed up.

i saw a girl at the beauty pageant which immediately caught my attention, she had a very outgoing and fun kind of look, that was an amazing look for her, but i wouldnt be surprised if she had a boyfriend, i mean anyone who looked like that is bound to attract attention.

i also saw a lesbian couple kissing, when neither of them looked butch. i was looking through the bus window at the station opposite so it might have been a guy, might have been


anyway, the teachers were the people who did the most for the orientation so props to them.



www.lightamillioncandles.com

Lessons On A Bike

Never wear long pants, especially the uniform kind on a bike

orientation has been going on for today
i gt first aid duty, even though im not a first aider
first day forgot to borrow bike so had to take bus, dam waste money
so borrowed the bike on the second day
now my butt very sore from going uphill and downhill so many times

on the orientation, the response from the freshman were quite good, they were quite responsive, only maybe 1 out of 8 were not that high
i stayed at pounggol park the longest, cuz its the furthest and i lazy go back, hahas
i think theres a lot of potential to really make them go even higher, but i seem to be the only one caring,
i dunno, maybe because i'm that kind of person


anyway, a few days ago i was looking around facebook and i saw a photo of my old primary school classmate, which is very shocking cuz it changed a lot. the photo was like 1 guy standing 2 guys sitting on the floor, at first i look at the guy standing den i tot it wasnt him, den i looked at the 2 sitting down, and realized that since they completely dont look like him, the guy who was standing, ie the one i saw first, had to be him. i was so shocked that he changed i showed it to my other pri6 friend yang. he was also just as shocked as me
so we were wondering, if they saw us now after so many years, would they see a big difference,
i don't think my face changed much, maybe just thinner a bit?

orientation still ahs 2 more days, lets hope it goes uphill from here

Updatesz!

today is chinese new year so means got ang pao and skip school. but also means have to visit extended family, which sucks. anyway, does anyone know why i hate them. but tts not important


in the past week many things happened

we played rock band! me, chen, joel, darren, junqiang, yuan hong rocked at rock band. this is significant because its the first time i have photos to back it up, hahahs



and then there was the flag day
i neded to spend 5 hours doing flag day cuz i skipped school during the holidays, allegedly.
so i had to go for this o joy care flag day in kallang
i saw the map on the internet and then decided to take 80, because it seemed quite close. then i went and took 80, on the way i smsed kh jelena xt and yang to come out and kill time with me
kh cldnt make it, but the rest could, so on the sms we decided to watch inkheart
anyway about the trip, i just passed by the aljunied mrt station and then i decided hey its only a few more stops away, so i was like intently looking at all the bus stops which indicated where i am, so i sat there and waited and waited and waited, i waited until i realised i was in bugis, so i was like screwed, so i went out and took the mrt station, and ended up reaching 1 hour late, which means by the time my cip finish, i would have only clocked 4.5 hours, which is .5 hours too little. damn it, then as i was walking out, i realised that a 62 woould have reached here, damn it, my house has a 62!.

but that was the interesting part about that day, we, yang xt and jelena, went to plaza sing to talk and eat, so we went shopping for jelenas backpack first, then went to the coffee club to eat, and talk. so i showed some of my magic tricks, with brand new bicycle poker cards, woohoo!. anyway, some tricks failed miserably, but some were quite funny to watch. but we talked abit about life in a new environment, we should be studying, all that. by the way, xiaotong drinks faster now! so after that we went to sushi teh to makan. jelena started to ask me about some stuff like abortion, things that are in the moral grey area. so thats kind of what we talked about from that time all the way till the mrt stopped. we talked about religion and abortion and gender and lots of stuff, about how we process things in our heads. and we sat at the mrt stairs until they made the announcement that it was the last train leaving. anyway, there is a lot to be learnt about each other, we just never take the opportunity to open up.

now back to CNY eve, my brother wanted to go the chinatown, so we did, there wer a lot of china ppl there, like a sea of them, so we walked the streets, as we reached a junction, we started to realise oh shit, i can't move anywhere, it was likethis wave of people around you pushing and pulling, and i was holding on to my mother's hand like i never held on before, the "tide" was so strong that as my mother was pushed further in front, people immediately took up the space between her hand and mine, it was quite a fun experience, but quite scary also in the sense that we would get lost, but that wouldnt matter since we had handphones and money to take cabs. hahas. but, this is the kind of experience that kind of defines how much of life you have been through, that kind of thing.

anyway, im ending off here, and still don't wanna visit my extended family.



www.lightamillioncandles.com

BTW it's the dark knight

last friday, we had the first day of the pre orientation training camp, potc(pirates of the carribean)
it was quite fun, the GFs were surprisingly responsive and they were all very responsive, you could almost feel the vibe that they have pride in what they do work, so i hope they keep this up. the 5 houses also did a good job despite it being after their school and all.

the second day, a saturday, we started off with leadership talk by ms ang and mrs theng. i think they were the perfect people to give any kind of lecture because they are a lot more interesting and they can keep people engaged. anyway, it was followed by the amazing race which, we realised that the maps were printed out for them, so we had to lead them, and the route was quite screwed up so theres a lot more traveling by bus than required, plus it was quite a hot day so we ended up very shag after that

but the very uplifting thing was that, after that during the scavenger hunt. the people became much more lively, and the GFs were also much more enthusiastic, i'd like to think they influenced each other somehow. my house, Aquila starting running to the other stations, leaving ms ang behind running slowly in her what looks like expensive shoes. so i was really proud of them for being so upbeat during this.

after that was the warm fuzzys thing, people passed around cards with their names and just wrote good stuff and well wishes on the card. it was simple and cheap and meaningful, perfect for the school.

so at dinner time, we ( me , jelena and wen hui) went to pizza hut to celebrate the birthday of YANG, yay!. hahas, we ate quite a lot, and i blurted out about his cake, thinking that we forgot about it, clearly girls don't forget anything. anyway, the only people who caught the joke was like only 4. we went to pool after that to play for about 2 hours before going home


anyway, if theres one thing i learnt throughout the weekend, its that people like to be encouraged, and they work better when encouraged. but im not that kind of person, nobdy in my house encourages anyone else, we just say you better do this ( score well) or i will kick you out of the house. maybe that's why



anyway, really proud of aquila, hope they keep it up, plus i've been listening to some classic beatles songs, like help and please mister postman, and when i look at them, i find it very difficult to believe that they are the ones who do hard drugs like rockers, they just look so friendly




www.lightamillioncandles.com

Today

today was a good day

i woke up at 9
came to school in hihs pe shirt
went to SR open house
skipped duty
laughed with mrs ang about skipping duty, people still cannot get over the fact that she did
went to AJC open house
saw some old friends
came back
waited for them to do the walk in
went to concourse
had a chat
a meaningful chat

so there were 2 things that went well for me today
number 1, i skipped duty in their faces, that was just fun, doing it in front of them and then having a teacher laugh along with me, instead of just ponning and missing out on their reaction

and then there was number 2
we had a meaningful talk where we voiced out what we din like about ourselves, by we, i meant some, by some i meant like 8 people. but the fact that we sat down and talk had to mean something
i'd like to think that i helped in one way or other to make this possible

i'd really like to have that assurance that i actually did something to help ourselves

it helps me sleep better at night




www.lightamilliioncandles.com
help them
we only need your voice

Stuff People Say 2009

that was actually the title of the text file i used to put what all you people said about me, i was just finishing up and then i put it in a TXT file and i realised that i din have a good name to name it, so i just called it stuff people say 2009. I told everyone else that i was doing a "self-evaluation" cuz it sounded cool at that time, on hindsight, maybe not.

anyway, anyone who bothers enuff to go back into the history of this blog will realize that i do this every year. or you know u could just know me, that would be easier.

so, in case u don't know what this is all about. the is a collation and analysis of all the things that people think they know about me in the year 2008. i do a little reflection about each and everyone of them and it helps me become a better person.

People chosen to judge me went through a immensely difficult selection process otherwise known as being online at that time. It pays to be online, and it pays nothing. i did one face to face, and i learned to never ever do it ever again, it is incredibly difficult to quote them because i cant write on my handphone that fast. ya, so lesson learned.

So on to the actually important part of this post.

i categorized them according to which group of friends they belonged to. im gonna leave out their names for privacy sake. what they say will be in ""double quotation marks"" and i write my comments below

The Student Council, or rather My Student Council

""i think you are frank
you dont care what other ppl think
as long as you think its justifiable, its okay
and like, you have strng and firm beliefs
like, you stand by what you believe in
sarcastic sometimes!
and you appear to be unapproachable at times (:
you are willing to help others, and you bother
can be a bit crude
but thats cos you dont think its impt to care bout what others think (which i agree with to a certain extent)
haha playing cards in the sac....
you dont realy believe in being a role model? idk.""

what really struck me was the you are willing to help others, and you bother part, i din think anyone noticed. strong and firm beliefs is good

""hmmm...my impression of you quite neutral ah...sometimes see you as a slacker, but not in a bad way...then you super laid back...like everyone else chiong proposal all, you just relax one corner...can be good and bad ah...see you slack like that sometimes a bit irritating, like we all got proposal to do, you nth to do...but most of the time not bad ah...like too demanding and all and asking us serious, then your slack-ness can keep our moods relaxed
low patience level like sometimes we planning and stuff, then you keep saying "faster leh""

That was actually the kind of personality i was trying to portray, i knew right from the start i din wanna be a mugger nerd type, so this persona was born. but what i din expect is that my supposed "slackness" can make people relaxed, i always thought its the opposite, hahas. Impatience is one thing i can't really change as much as i like because im just that impatient, but yet i can wait for hours on end for my computer to reboot and uninstall.

""at first when i dk you and judge based on appearance i thought you were some ganster pai kia, super cheena freak etc etc
then like your attitude also quite heck care kinda so i didn't like click at first la
but after like slowly knowing you, you don't seem that bad a person
i mean you're much nicer and that whole attitude thingy, thats just the way you are i guess
you either have to accept or not
although you seem really heck care, but i guess you do really care inside
you've just got that attitude abt you
maybe thats why you say you don't really click w council people
sometimes very qian zou
but after knowing you then its not so bad la
as in you will know that thats just part of you
i mean you don't really mean to be harsh but it just comes out sounding harsh kinda thingy
v hard to explain leh""

this really captures the fact that a lot of what i want to say is not really intended to sound nasty but it just comes out like that. and the fact that i choose my friends. and i do care.

""you're a helpful person, easy to get along with and you look like you're able to handle stress
I dont know you well enough to crap about you lah!
but you do seemed like that kind of person who gets easily angered""

I'm Helpful!! the stress part is an on-and-off thing, but the fact that i "look" like that kind of person is nice to know.

""i thought u r a good friend, like a council mate
cool" on the outside
and rather sociable i think
bad...
nothing bad ma..
i dun think u offended anyone, hahahaha
dun worry, you're a nice person
maybe make yr blog alive
yeahh, u didn't do anything bad what
like towards yr friends or teachers
maybe laugh more, come up with more jokes to entertain yr friends""

ok when the first sentence came out, i was like, huh u thought ar, that means past tense leh, that means u now dont think of it anymore la. oh ya, and if you haven't noticed it yet, some people think i can socialize while others think i can.

""hmm... basically its quite good
although most of the time its last minute but you will still manage to get your things done
i think that's all generally
start to remember things and not ask people to remind you
character... less apathetic?""

start to remember things is something very important, i should remember that. and i shows my amazingly astonishing ability to finish last minute work.

""u are quite a nice person
cause u will help someone when in need
very direct
cause u dun hide your feelings
u need more confidence
especially when showing your ability in front of teachers""

simple and short, nice.

""i think you are smart actually
like those with higher eq. can think on spot
not restricted to model answers kind of person
you are able to take charge of things when it gets out of hand smtimes
but sometimes you are quite blunt
like you want to say what then you will just say
regardless of if it's the right place and time to say or not
you irritating.
but i feel that sometimes you are quite aloof
like you don't exactly are on best terms with most of the people""

i believe in not being restricted to model answers so ya, i jus din noe that it is eq. i can take charge of stuff when it gets out of hand, its a gift, im not going to teach you, hahas. blunt part, already mentioned. oh ya and this is where i understood the meaning of "aloof", its a really fun word to say

""Moody cause must see feeling then can talk to 1
witty
fast thinker""

this was too short to be helpful because a lot of other people already said it.

Now, My class, 1s112008

they write quite little, but wad can u expect, we aren't art students for a reason



""hmmm
basically. u are glennard
wa jialat
damn hard question
i dunno what u want leah
u like to scold sometimes, is that counted?
but u scold too little than some ppl in our class, so its not that jialat
erm...
u think i am lame, (ok i am)
u like to say shut up la ( according to darren)
u are a happy go lucky person
smart
smart cause u dun really seem to like hand in hw, but then results come out zai
maybe cause u study a lot at home
u are quite a sensible guy sometimes, sometimes crazy
your character changes as the situation changes, quite adaptable to ppl around u
which is actually good la, like that can make more friends
but sometimes u dun look like a councilor
as in the ideal kind
very hard to explain this point
just not the nerd la
your display pic 1 year liao still haven change, very zai
ok super zai
sometimes u sleep in class
but is sometimes
well, that has got nth to do with what u want -.-
u are punctual generally.
mainly because i am taking darren as the benchmark. (LOL best late king)
well i dun really talk to u a lot, cause u usually mix with the other ppl...
but still not bad, cannot say never talk to u.
in between ba...
well... i dun go out with u, so i dunno your out of school character
sometimes u are a little bit emo
but not better than wee teck every lessons emo at the front corner""

i love this person man, helped the most. he said i am sensible, thats new, and adaptable, can change behaviour to the situation.


""-witty
-straight to the point
right now i can only think of these 2 lol
but seriously the only 2 things i see about you
that i can think of right now
smart,quick
straight to the point (like dont like to beat around the bush kinda thing, dunno how to explain, prolly you know what im talking about)""

bring smart AND quick is totally awesome.




""you;re the 'can hang out w anybody' kind of person
as in youre fine w almost everybody
[suck] at being tactful i think
like let say someone suck at sth
then you'll say it right into their face
sth like being too straight forward""

so i nid change to be less tactful or more tactful?


""not funny
when you wanna do the stuff you want you're notlazy
when you dont feel like it then you're lazy
a lil nerdy
average in sociability
you sometimes make unnecessary comments
like irritating""

right off the bat, not funny, sianz diao.

""what i think ah...i think you are an okay person to get along with. just that some times, you are dam guai lan (sorry im just stating the truth=P). in a sense you try talk back when someone said sth. but thts also your good point, cause you just want to speak up. just try not to overdo it, cause it gets on ppl's nerve at times""

i try to talk back to people who say something, its not so much a character flaw, than a bad habit

and then there's my PW group, i have worked with them like dogs, and i should be expecting more from them, the operative word being should.




""i think u are kinda stubborn
cuz sometimes u simply dun wan to see from other points of view
thats basically all the bad i can see in u
i think u are quite fun to hang out with as quite often u are fun ingeneral
i think u are smart as well
u are smart""

I dun see from other people's point of view because i tink my own is good, he is probably the only one to think i am stubborn and had the guts to say it to me

""i think you're capable of doing things, but at times when you do not yet see the urgency in completing a task, you would slack off, but when you do see the urgency, you do well.
smth like that
yeah the suck part is that often
esp at the beginning of the year
you dont see the need/urgency
so in my opinion, you slack off quite a bit
but however, at the end of the year, i think you worked real hard and yeah
you did well
you should socialize much more outside your friend circle
imporatnt""

so basically i do things when i see the urgency, fair enuff. and i nid to socialize outside my friend circle, but mine's a square, no fair!


And then there are 2 friends who know me since sec 1, if i grew at all, they would have noticed

""then....u taking up more responsibility lor..like joining council
but like still dun really study alot
then...though not same class but still same sch..but still will say hello to each other when see in sch lor
thats all i can think of..
okok..fine..then i think attitude like still same lor..
then dun study as hard as people but do better lor
u also nv changed much
stilll same same
nv change to the worst can liao lah...
nv change is a good thing ok..
dun think is sad thing lor...change too much mayb ppl dun like even worst lor
aiya..enough of ur evaluation liao lah..i already cannot think of anything else..if i think of smth then i tell u lor...""

i din change much, apparently, but thats good, because i can still do less studying and get better results than other people

""you've become slightly open
i was quite surprised when you joined student council (we supported you okay! HAHA)
eh you know youre a very frank person
thats really good sometimes and sometimes, it could become quite a touchy- sensitive issue
so just take note of that
if not, youre great
yeah
i told you to be careful of your speaking
and you alrdy know what (you blogged) that you feel a lik; awkward making small talk and sitting thru long silences
try to loosen up and make small talk lor, im sure student council helped you""

i nid to loosen up, u'd think the council helped me, but u'd think wrong.


so anyway, if you are still reading this after so much, congratulations, you have officially killed 15 minutes that you will never get back.

i realized something, people say things that are ambiguously not positive or negative, so should i change them,k i'm going on my gut feeling here.
ya and my new year resolutions based on this review is that

1) be more sociable
2) say things less bluntly
3) help out more in the student council because they really need it
4) not put entire song lyrics as a blog post, that's just being lazy
5) study for about 5 hours for the year
6) practice small talking
7) Pay more attention in class


that's about it i cant think of more, really

Council training camp

tough
actually still not bad la
no need kanna hamptam when we stand on 1 leg
hahas, npcc ppl should noe wad i mean

anw
its fun
and tough
and difficult
but satisfying
i feel accomplished

first day
when gathering, got ppl late
so kanna scolding
den we were give this folder with 10 pieces of paper inside and we were supposed to open them up at different times of the camp
i will just say about those paper that are significant to me
anw the first real activity (other than talking and intro) is to clean up 7 classrooms
we were given some buckets and mops and stuff and we had to clean the whole classroom
spotless
the first time we din know much
but we did clean until what we felt was clean
that there was inspection
TAs checked for dust
use finger to wipe the door railings all that
so obviously we failed
then we did it a second time
it was much better
we cleaned the dust off the switches, the windows ledges, the tables
all the hard to reach and difficult to see places
but we passed the second time
so we were told to open up paper number 3
it wrote
you have just completed 2/12 hours of a worker's load, thats 1/6
so its like we run here run there only scrape out 1/6

then after that it was dinner followed by pitching of tents
we had to pitch tents at the fitness area
at first the TAs din give us any instruction
so we din ask for any help or guidelines
we just went on our own and did wad we knew
btw its not those giant peg kind of tent, those new odac and obs kind
then we took 33 mins to complete the first time
obviously that was too long
so we had to dismantle them and pitch again
we did it in 16 mins
so we were quite relieved

the next day morning, we had to do morning pt, run a little less than 3km
run liao go do pumping. while in pumping position we had to remember all the hod names
obviously we dunno
so we went down
and down
and down again
we ran from pumping position to the board at general office 3 times before
we actually thought of getting sprinters to run there and get all the names so we dun have to
ya so we kanna because we din think of that, not because we dunno( even though we still dunno at tt time)

after that was lunch and prepare for the trek though macritchie
lots of people over packed and ended up with lots of stuff to carry
when we reach there we had to arrange all our bags such that we had our hands free and not carrying anything
mr bernard tan was our first aider and instructor there for the trek
so at first it was dam hot, everyone gt tired very quickly
but we had to move on and close up all the gaps
so behind people had to run
i was actually at the back, den i rmb that the behind people always have to be very fit and fast because they have to run and walk and run and keep changing so its very tiring, i moved to the front
we walked until 1 part where we went in the forest itself, not the path anymore
we walk until 1 part where we were supposed to choose our locations for the tents
i was the ic for my group at that time so i had to tell my grpmates that the instructions
i was told that we cannot assume that the group knows waht and how to look for it
must always tell them
so we got out of there because it was too small
mr tan gave the compass to rex to figure out the way out
he did, although he took a harder route to reach it

when we reached the end
we had a simulation
where a few of us were dead or blind or a casualty in some way and we had to bring them to the main road
i failed as an ic because i couldnt give instructions when everyone had their ideas to contribute
also mr tan was scolding and shouting so all of us felt stressed
the hardest part was when we had to carry darrel out along with all our bags
so we split up, some carry bag, some carried casualty
later rohith died, so we had to do the same
when we finally reached the end, we were tired like dogs

anw we walked back the same way we came in and had our dinner at night on a grass patch
there were a few casualties by then so they were a bit slower
we walked from our dinner place to the night walk trail

the night walk was unique
we had to walk through a forest trail, but there was light stick to guide us
but we had to do it solo
first time still ok
2nd time the lightsticks was removed, so a few of us sort of panicked
but they still went through it

we went back at night on bus
where we took out another paper, number 6 or 7 i think
it wrote, we walked 25 km in 11 hours, still feeling doubts about the 10 km will run


anw on the third day, we had the pumping session again, this time we pumped less
but we had to remember the subject head's name as well
actually they weren't trying to ask us so much on the content per se, but actually they wanted us to speak up confidently


at the end of the camp, we had to do strengths and weaknesses evaluation for all the campers except ourselves
we also had to vote for the various exco positions
survey says, al-olympia is going to be the next president, with samantha being the vice prez, or ibrahim if they wanted a mix of gender

it was a great camp
it wasnt tough because it had a 25 km trek
i was tough because we have to do it as leaders
as student councillors




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