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Fuck You, Future Me

you know...

you know when there are some things you really wanna tell people, but it kinda sounds very bad, so tt kind of thing you would tell a very very close friend, but yet the bad thing you are about to say is about tt friend, and then u realised, EFF, its gonna stay there until i explode.

i write stuff here becuase i dun tell my friends stuff, im not like most people, i don't sit at a coffee place called Central Perk and then talk about stuff thats happening around you, and then a guy named Chandler makes up a joke about how ridiculous that situation sounds like. I don't have that, so i write

i write hoping that in the future, the future me, ( who hopefully, is more handsome, fit, and smart) can read and then laugh about it. kinda like the friends at a coffee place thing, you know except over a long period of time.

i guess this is the kinda thing u have to get used to, i dunno why its so hard for me to tell people about things, make conversation, small talk if you will. i just got off a car ride with my dad, brother and uncle, it was silent all the way.

some people say silence is good, its golden or something, but too much gold is kinda pointless. anyway right now the one i tell the most things to is my friend Fuji, and even he can't understand half of what im saying.

anyway, i got this situation, i want to say something mean about my friends, but i cant because i dun really have any other, and because people dont crap about other people to random strangers, (at least thats what i think), im stuck

i wanna write about it but theres the possibility (VERY HIGH) that he/she/they/it will read, so im kinda screwed. i wanna start another private blog, but i will most probably forget the password and url.

so to keep future me happy, here it is,

to: (???)

eh wah lau how can u liddat, get so many people never get me, what is this,i not important enough is it. i noe i this year never talk to you/ll much, but aso cannot like that what, last time with you/ll aso mus self invite 1 leh, wtf man, bloody hell, i f i dunno that means i will never hear about it is it, u/ll good la, i treat uall as friendz u/ll come do this kind of thing, na beiz

remember the date, future me, its 28/12/08



anyway, a lot of this stems from my intense dislike of not being told about stuff


and ya before i forget, im gonna do the year end thing which i did annually for the past 2 years, basically i msn or talk to or call peopl who have been in contact with me for the past year and ask about their impressions of me, its kinda like a survey, but i found a cooler word for it,

called evaluation

ok its not that cool, but still, if u wanna drop a message, u can tag or msn me and tell me what u think of me, what i rock at and what i rock less at, so i can change. for a brief sample u can see my old posts here
it basically helps me change for the better. hopefully

so i will be calling ppl up, so beware




www.lightamillioncandles.com
help light 1

Korea

I was In korea
it was nice
i skied
i saw snow
fun
but i still prefer being among friends

Goat

Yes, We Ate One,
quite delicious



Keng Hong Helped
hahas

Lijiang

Beautiful


summary:
went there on a plane,
got cold,
wore 4 layers of clothes,
went to a hotel,
slept,
woke up,
still cold,
had porridge for breakfast,
went to school,
played with secondary school kids there,
forgot my lines,
gave out some prizes,
went to a farmers' house,
refused a cigarette,
got hungry,
ate a goat,
danced with locals,
went back to hotel,
debriefed by principal,
slept,
woke up,
packed my bag,
had lunch,
went to Tiger Leaping Gorge,
climbed down rocks,
rode a boat across it,
climbed up some more rocks,
walked a zigzag path uphill,
walked across some farmlands,
climbed down some more rocks,
took some photos,
walked on a road,
ran out of energy,
bit some gum,
finally reached tina's guesthouse,
went to the bunks,
realized that there was no power socket and it was damn cold,
ate dinner,
danced some more,
sang some songs,
went to bed,
woke up,
id some tai chi,
had breakfast in the dark,
went back to hotel,
slept,
debriefed,
slept again,
woke up,
went up to snow mountain,
rode a cable car,
played with ice instead of snow,
went back down,
went to Yangtze First Bend,
looked at it,
went to communist memorial,
went back,
debriefed,
ate dinner,
went to Gu Chen,
saw some shops,
followed the river,
went back,
got peer evaluated,
played cards til 2,
slept,
woke up,
got our luggage down,
went to the "palace" of Mu the chieftain,
went for lunch back in Gu Chen,
shopped,
went back late,
got punished,
went back to Kunming,
had KFC,
did my punishment,
went back to Singapore.

that's it





and then there's the view
Breathtaking

Thank the teachers, the principal, Tom and Rocky our tour guides for an amazing trip

I AM

the kind of person who sees a typo in your message and looks at the keyboard wondering what letter were you intending to press, had you not made that mistake

New Beginnings

Long Time Since I Last Posted

Cant believe im blogging about leaving

sometimes when when there is no longer anymore opportunities, we must look towards new sources

and that is why i made this decision

it was a very difficult decision to make

i just hope its the right 1

you know how its irritating when people visit but never tag

Yes, I'm Talking About You!
start Tagging





-taggingrox-

Wishlist

List of games i wanna get for my xbox360

Castle Crashers $15-$30
Rock Band 2 (great party game, dunno worth or not) $200-$300
Rock Band 1 (either or) $229
Burnout Paradise 2nd Hand $40-$60 First hand $70
The Force Unleashed Loan $15-$25
Devil May Cry 4 Loan $15-$25

I also want a psp

Anyone thinking of getting me a christmas gift?

Friends

My closest friends are often times those that have almost nothing in common with me, be it hobbies, interests or personalities

At this point, if i had a nice group photo, i would it rite where this chunk of text would be, but unfortunately, im not photogenic, not in the least.


Pietro is the one male person i trust the most. He is, actually i don't know what the hell he is interested in, but anyway, he was in my primary 6 class and in my p6 end-of-year camp group, and i actually only remembered he was in my class at that time, because he was very quiet. Anyway, he came to be in the same class as me for the next 2 years, then went on to take pure bio. He is a quiet person, but becomes more social as time goes by, which is the opposite of me, being loud, then quiet, then even louder (and more vulgar). he has this air of "coolness" surrounding him, he does not need to say much to get people to respect him. Anyone who knows me can say that that will never happen to me. Everyone trusts him and everyone, including me can tell him secrets and confide in him.

Wen Hui is the one female person that i can trust the most. there is quite an interesting story to how i got to know her as a person, but that is another story for another day. She was in the same class as me throughout the secondary school years. Anyway, she is interested in Jay Chou and Survivor and korean and jap dramas, all of which i find retarded. But despite these, i find that she is the one person i can talk to whenever i'm down. Anytime i need help i know she will do her best. She is a quiet person who likes to stay at home and read or something, unlike me.


Jelena is another one of my close friends. Strong believer in Catholicism and good samaritan all around, she yearns to travel around the world, to places like kenya to help them. She is optimistic at best,which is the opposite of me. Interested in dirty and racist jokes. She is a very fun person to talk to simply because she can be very random.



I feel like an advertising agent for writing this
anyway, i hope friends really do last forever as im writing this
then again, i simply hope



-I AM NOT BEING EMO WHILE I WRITE THIS-
-STOP CALLING MY POSTS EMO-

can someone tag my tagboard, its very very old and rusty




www.lightamillioncandles.com

exams

it rox to have your exams end just before the weekends
that means your weekends wont be wasted

this day

continuing from wenhui's post

today we reflect...
we reflect on our differences
we reflect on our similarities
we reflect on the triviality of life
the triviality of the things that are supposedly making me sad

when you have something to be truly sad about
everything else seems so small in comparison

then i reflected about god (see how i use small letters)
if he/them exists
he owes me an explanation
i hate him/them a lot
i wish he/they would stop causing natural disasters

i really hope they do not exist, at least that way fate wouldn't exist
everything would be simple, no hidden symbolism behind everything
no more "lessons", just hard things that we need to do so that people won't kan us


we reflect on fairness
was it fair



we reflect ...





www.lightamillioncandles.com
helpp

fking bitch/bastard person

a few people will probably think that im refering to them
but the actual one im referring to will never know

isit possible to hate someone enough to want them to fail in life
people in sr think im violent and crude
at least im getting the point across

tomorrow we'll be visiting Gabriel
hope he is having a much better time than me
he probably is
we miss him alot
i miss him alot too
he never spoke much to me
but still
some part of me still wishes he was here instead of me
a lot of times i get under pressure
the kind of pressure i give myself
the kind of pressure others give me simply because they expect me to be that good
the kind where people depend on you
i look to him for inspiration
he's the only one i know who was up to the task
who could do things well and talk things through
maybe if he din go, i wouldn't even remember him that well
but still

its not worth it


The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
looking for this song for damn long
heard it 3 or 4 times over the radio, couldnt catch the lyrics properly
the song sounds very nice, very touching
its actually a story
a man decides to stay at the street where he first met the woman he loved
when the woman is no longer with him, he decides to stay at that street until the woman comes to find him, not moving away despite the police finding him.

it's very touching to me, i have a simple and naive way of thinking
i just want to block out everything that makes this world imperfect



www.lightamillioncandles.com
help a child

happy 2 days after national day

went to plaza to watch money no enuff 2
when eating at subway, heard popping sound, den thought its not cuz still very early
den when we finally eat finish and go out to watch gt lots of stupid tress and the dumb ymca building block the fireworks
in the end see smoke and light nia

DO I LOOK FUCKING EMO TO YOU?
WHICH PART OF ME LOOK EMO TO YOU I ASK YOU?
IS IT MY TOES?

long hiatus

wow long time since i last posted
its i think 2 months after my last post
excluding the euro 08 thing, i dun think it counts

anyway.
life has been busy in SR
always really tired at the start of the day, in the middle of the day, and at the end of the day.
so just tired all the way la
i got 13 for ranking points which means must buck up

or commit suicide

whichever way's fine
i figured if i told my friends i thought about suicide, they would think im joking, like always.
its funny how some people in SR find me funny
when there is a significantly less amount of people who do so in holy

i figured its because theres always someone funnier than me in holy, like keng hong and wayne, which apply to different groups of people by the way

i lost my train of thought




anyway, i just remembered.
oops i just lost it.



ohya, i was thinking about the fact that i don't really establish concrete groups of friends, like cliques anymore after sec 3. in sec 4 i just roamed around the class looking for people to talk to, usually they are the ones sitting the closest to me because im lazy to move around, but i do sometimes when the teacher is out of the class, or when i feel like pissing the teacher off. but the thing i like about this "fluidity" is that i can understand and know more people and not restrict myself, however i sacrifise the companionship and trust of actual friends, which why the people i trust are the ones from sec 2.

i think i have trust issues, but it cant be because of my parents, they ask me about my life all the time, im just too lazy to say everything out.

anyway, this fluidity has carried on to my tiem in SR, not forming cliques with anybody, not in class or cca. i get worried sometimes.

well, life's like that.

oh ya, my class think my gp is very amazingly damn good. WHY? i scored relatively more for my diagnostic test, which i still failed. so i dun really have a reason to be more "gooder" at gp than everyone else, just can't understand them.

oh and junqiang thinks im a bastard
while chen thinks im a dog
while julian thinks im a slacker
while loke thinks gs means glennard sucks

hmmm





www.lightamillioncandles.com
almost forgot

EuroNews

Council training camp

tough
actually still not bad la
no need kanna hamptam when we stand on 1 leg
hahas, npcc ppl should noe wad i mean

anw
its fun
and tough
and difficult
but satisfying
i feel accomplished

first day
when gathering, got ppl late
so kanna scolding
den we were give this folder with 10 pieces of paper inside and we were supposed to open them up at different times of the camp
i will just say about those paper that are significant to me
anw the first real activity (other than talking and intro) is to clean up 7 classrooms
we were given some buckets and mops and stuff and we had to clean the whole classroom
spotless
the first time we din know much
but we did clean until what we felt was clean
that there was inspection
TAs checked for dust
use finger to wipe the door railings all that
so obviously we failed
then we did it a second time
it was much better
we cleaned the dust off the switches, the windows ledges, the tables
all the hard to reach and difficult to see places
but we passed the second time
so we were told to open up paper number 3
it wrote
you have just completed 2/12 hours of a worker's load, thats 1/6
so its like we run here run there only scrape out 1/6

then after that it was dinner followed by pitching of tents
we had to pitch tents at the fitness area
at first the TAs din give us any instruction
so we din ask for any help or guidelines
we just went on our own and did wad we knew
btw its not those giant peg kind of tent, those new odac and obs kind
then we took 33 mins to complete the first time
obviously that was too long
so we had to dismantle them and pitch again
we did it in 16 mins
so we were quite relieved

the next day morning, we had to do morning pt, run a little less than 3km
run liao go do pumping. while in pumping position we had to remember all the hod names
obviously we dunno
so we went down
and down
and down again
we ran from pumping position to the board at general office 3 times before
we actually thought of getting sprinters to run there and get all the names so we dun have to
ya so we kanna because we din think of that, not because we dunno( even though we still dunno at tt time)

after that was lunch and prepare for the trek though macritchie
lots of people over packed and ended up with lots of stuff to carry
when we reach there we had to arrange all our bags such that we had our hands free and not carrying anything
mr bernard tan was our first aider and instructor there for the trek
so at first it was dam hot, everyone gt tired very quickly
but we had to move on and close up all the gaps
so behind people had to run
i was actually at the back, den i rmb that the behind people always have to be very fit and fast because they have to run and walk and run and keep changing so its very tiring, i moved to the front
we walked until 1 part where we went in the forest itself, not the path anymore
we walk until 1 part where we were supposed to choose our locations for the tents
i was the ic for my group at that time so i had to tell my grpmates that the instructions
i was told that we cannot assume that the group knows waht and how to look for it
must always tell them
so we got out of there because it was too small
mr tan gave the compass to rex to figure out the way out
he did, although he took a harder route to reach it

when we reached the end
we had a simulation
where a few of us were dead or blind or a casualty in some way and we had to bring them to the main road
i failed as an ic because i couldnt give instructions when everyone had their ideas to contribute
also mr tan was scolding and shouting so all of us felt stressed
the hardest part was when we had to carry darrel out along with all our bags
so we split up, some carry bag, some carried casualty
later rohith died, so we had to do the same
when we finally reached the end, we were tired like dogs

anw we walked back the same way we came in and had our dinner at night on a grass patch
there were a few casualties by then so they were a bit slower
we walked from our dinner place to the night walk trail

the night walk was unique
we had to walk through a forest trail, but there was light stick to guide us
but we had to do it solo
first time still ok
2nd time the lightsticks was removed, so a few of us sort of panicked
but they still went through it

we went back at night on bus
where we took out another paper, number 6 or 7 i think
it wrote, we walked 25 km in 11 hours, still feeling doubts about the 10 km will run


anw on the third day, we had the pumping session again, this time we pumped less
but we had to remember the subject head's name as well
actually they weren't trying to ask us so much on the content per se, but actually they wanted us to speak up confidently


at the end of the camp, we had to do strengths and weaknesses evaluation for all the campers except ourselves
we also had to vote for the various exco positions
survey says, al-olympia is going to be the next president, with samantha being the vice prez, or ibrahim if they wanted a mix of gender

it was a great camp
it wasnt tough because it had a 25 km trek
i was tough because we have to do it as leaders
as student councillors




www.lightamillioncandles.com
help save a child today

school

YAY I'm In Council

there was a long weekend 5 days ago which lasted 4 days
everyday i had to pass by dhoby gaut mrt station
dam sianz leh
first day go play lan at E2MAX
played cs with 1s11
den 2nd day go watch iron man with 1s09
den 3rd day go republic poly watch muscial
whcih was very nice
den last day go cathay do gpp

dam tired
slept at 10-11 on all days

anw nothing much to write
just that i have alot of homework i din do yet

When You Realize That You Have Something Greater Than Than Yourself To Live For, You Will Not Only Understand True Motivation, You Will Know Why You No Longer Tire, But Most Importantly, You Will Find Meaning And Purpose In Your Life