Happiness

In lieu of a much more pretentious title like bliss or whatever, here's a (hopefully) quick update on my life right now.

I'm happy.

Life is still difficult, in fact, it may even be a bit more difficult than last year. But in many ways, it's also a lot easier.

I'm sitting here right now in my girlfriend's room, typing this as she's doing her revision. I don't have the words to accurately describe my feelings for her. But I'm going to try.

This girl, oh my god this girl. When I hear her singing (which she only really does in the privacy of very few people), I catch myself smiling. She's not very good, as she will rightfully remind you. It reminds me of someone just enjoying the music for what it is, unlike some people (myself included) that sing for our ego.

When she kisses me, I get energized. When I hold her hand, my day gets from bad to good, or good to even better. The old reddit quote I always love seems apt here, "... like a warm, electric fence."

If I'm not spending the night with her, suddenly the bed feels so much emptier. I have never missed anyone as hard as I missed her, and we barely only spend 1 or 2 nights apart.

We just realised Qing Fei De Yi pretty much describes my journey with her. I don't think I can love someone this much. Hope I'm not jinxing it here.

See you next time.

Unexplained Things

So strange things often can't explain. Here's a quick list I came across/ thought of.

A shadow always appearing either at the edge of your vision or at the exit which disappears every time you glance at it.

Sometimes you will think you hear someone calling your name, but nobody seems to be doing so when you turn around.

When you look for lost things, you will look in the strangest places, like opening the fridge to look for your car keys. What's even stranger is that sometimes you search in a certain place, can't find it, go somewhere else and come back to search at the exact same place, you will find it as if somebody pitied you and decided to put it there.

When you're doing something and suddenly think of doing something else not exactly related, like googling a certain thing. Sometimes, in less than 5 seconds, you will forget what it is. There's a funny theory online, that every time you forget something almost immediately after thinking, it's because you have somehow come in contact with aliens and the MIB have come in and wiped out your memory, which explains why you can't remember what you were doing.

To Do List: Big Ideas Edition

1) Learn to cook, at least at a basic enough level that I can either (hopefully both) cook for myself when I move out to a hostel, eventually my own house, and cook for my eventual couchsurfing host when I stay at their house.

2) Write a book about the life of my parents and the environment that they grew up in.

3) Learn a new language, either French or German.

4) Make more CouchSurfing friends

5) Put a (few) disposable cameras around Orchard Road and various other places for a single day and printing out the pictures.

6) Finding a new tumblr (or other) name/server so I can transfer, so that my potential readers can have a relatively (user-interface wise) better experience reading.

I'm still not 100% sure if I want to export the history to my new blog or just leave it here as part of history.

Happiness

The search for happiness is dead. Stop looking for happiness. You will get there when you get there.

And until then.

Do things not because you think they will make you happy. Do things because you want to do them. And if you want to do nothing, do just that.

Because happiness will find you, not the other way around.

Updates

Update: I am currently in the process of "acquiring" The Blu Ray edition Of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 so I will be more awed by the improved graphics.

P.S. I haven't watched any version of it yet. Except the book, in which case, I read it, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Anticipation

Currently I have Harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 on my phone. I haven't watched it yet and I also didn't get to watch it in the theaters, as I would have liked because I couldn't get anyone to go with me. It's been on my phone for a month.

As much as I desperately want to watch it, I cannot bring myself to do so. There's too much anticipation and the bar has been set too high in my mind for this movie to ever reach. I'm expecting too much from this movie that it is as if I am forcing myself not to watch this, even though I want to very much.

This is a sick feeling. I feel dirty. Haha

Weak

Perhaps one of the scariest part of growing up is coming to terms with one's own shortcomings. Not the parts we secretly admit to ourselves that we are really proud of like being arrogant or brash. We are really just in denial anyway. It's the big things and questions that we don't like to ask that scare the hell out of us. They linger in the dark recesses of our minds, these questions, like are we not strong enough as a person that we cannot face our past and not let our mistakes define us. Are we strong enough to face those criticism and hold our head high knowing full well we are fully conscious of making that decision. It scares us to know that we are weak.

hypocrisy

i have a great deal of respect for comedians. They are able to make people laugh even in the worst of days.

and yet for that same reason, i pity the television hosts, with their fake smiles and larger-than-life attitudes.

I often find myself saying why do people run for fun, even though i know very well its' the same reason i enjoy eating meat.

You will never get this picture

Moe Little Pony by ~waiwaiwai on deviantART

Unless You're as Childish as I Am

Fix

we all have our own fixes, something we will always end up thinking about, even in incredibly weird situations. Something we end up doing because it does something to our psyche and makes us feel all tingly inside, even if it shouldn't. For some people it becomes second nature, something they instinctively reach out for without making a conscious choice to do so, like breathing or reaching for water.

For some people its' shopping, for some people its' music.

For me its' women, Western women, but more importantly beautiful women. Yeah, i know that makes me superficial and perverted or a superficial pervert. but thats' how my brain functions apparently. Sorry for confirming all those stereotypes you had about men. Its' not like i have many other things to fall back upon, right? I mean, i don't play music or shop for clothes. I don't even have much to fall back upon memory wise, since my memory is so bad.

whats the one thing you always seem to be thinking about when you get bored?

Letters

So my friend al sent replied to a letter i sent last christmas. It's always nice to see your friends reply to you. Even if it took 5 months. Bu honestly, what she wrote was touching and i would love to keep this penpalship thing going,

Since she never picks up her phone or replies to her emails.

Thanks al, really appreciate it

Lots of love.

Eating

Im pretty sure someone at some point in time made a scientific imquiry as to the link between hunger and crankiness. I actually read about this quite long ago as merely anecdotal evidence and was reminded by a blog post from revered genius, and dilbert artist scott adams. I myself noticed the link in that most rage occurs happens just before meal times and almost never occur after. 

I think most people frown upon my suggestions of going for makan because i always seem to suggest it more often than others. Because i am not exactly skinny, people get annoyed when i do so and i know for a fact that the more vocal people like to call me out on it. Saying that all i think about is food. Which is only partially true. Sometimes i have a good day simply because im looking forward to a particularly delicious meal later in the day. Yeah, im easy to satisfy like that.

Accounting Interview

I was thinking back about my interview at SMU. they asked me about what i did as a student councillor and what my leadership style was. i blabbered on abou tthe open house and getting everyone down to talk about internal politics which was stupid as hell. only in the shower did i realise i could have told a much better story.

this is it.

i headed the student study program where we invited a few ex students who scored exceptionally well to come back and tutor some of the weaker students after school. my head teacher advisor was worried about the growing trend with student councillors and other high profile cca-involved students that their grades were steadily declining due to cca involvement. she approached me to head the program to help these kids improve their grades by spending more time in school studying. i had to come up with a way to get reliable tutors for them as more teachers were in meetings or other commitments after school, also there was a problem with not being able to stay awake for such prolonged periods of time, especially when self studying. we managed to solve both problems, with my relatively small team of 4 people, but we did a lot of good in that time. most students grades started to pick up and while it was not an overnight jump, it was better than nothing. and it helped those kids get back to the rhythm of studying after most of their major events such as SYF and A division competitions.

sounds quite impressive until you consider how little i actually did.

Uniforms

This is a pretty funny video if you actually can take the vulgarities

it gets me (shocked, surprised, empathetic, disgraced, pissed) when I see the that troops of other countries get to do stupid things like that and nobody gives them any flak for it. i mean we are all people, just because a guy is in his uniform doing stupid things, doesnt make everyone wearing uniforms a retard.

and while sometimes the things that SAF people do are actually pretty stupid, there are times when it actually gets funny and yet we still treat them with the incredulity (i don't even know what that word means) of a kid.

and then there will always be some joker in the background asking, why is there a camera around when there shouldn't be any cameras in camp in the first place.

I do sincerely and humbly ask for and wish that our people grow up a little, and then maybe, just maybe the Saf guys can grow up a little more and maybe do things that are actually funny, in uniform.

insensitive

a few hours ago, i found out (through facebook of course) that an old friend of mine, well i can't really say friend, more like schoolmate, was pregnant.

to me that came as a shock, because she was only 1 year older than me. so naturally i decided to find out more. in that short span of about 30 seconds from being on facebook to going to her blog, i was about to say some really insensitive things about her, things like how she's too young to have a baby, things like well i never really thought she would not have had sex by now. you know insensitive things.

so then as i read the "whole" story (its about as whole as it can get without speaking to her). i realized that they went through the same thoughts that i would have had if it were my girlfriend who was pregnant. they were about to abort the child, before realizing they could not live with themselves if they ended it. and then at that point i realized.

it doesn't matter how sound your logic is and how practical a decision may be, there is no way you could have gone through with a decision like that without any thing going on in your heart. the couple sound like they are very much in love with each other and i hope they do so for the rest of their lives.

Empty your brain tank

it is much easier to listen then to say.

and i'm not the only one to think so.

and if I really think about he is probably the best listener I know, and I would be a close second.

but then again i doubt many people trust me enough to tell me things, much less believe that i'm a good listener.



because we all have our own insecurities that when we say the things that make us the most vulnerable, no one would stop to listen, or even worse, no one would care.


many things were said that night. and it's remarkable really, that it only took us what 7 or 8 years before I really emptied my brains out to someone, i hope the next person doesn't take that long.

and he was the one who wondered out loud, "wha, wo ren si ni ze me jiu, xian zao cai dong ze xie dong si" i'll get that translated to chinese soon.

it feels good though to empty your brains out.

he also said, you look like you like to say this kind of things one meh, a bit also don't look like.

there had to be some sort of truth to that, i mean not a lot of people ask what i was thinking when it came to personal things


but it felt good, it really did

blessings

my birthday was last week

so i decided to do something that i don't do since ... well i never really did it before

so i decided to count my blessings

i have a very happy home with people inside it who are related by blood

i have four walls to surround me in case i get cold

i have a constantly stocked fridge

i have friends i can count on

electricity is not a foreign thing to me

i have enough blood to give to other people

my shoes have only one hole in them

im not allergic to sunlight and sergeant majors

i can perceive all colour and thus the beauty it provides

my limbs are all in working order

sees beauty in people without makeup

has a closet full of clothes that are very comfortable for sleeping but not so much for being looked at

and most importantly, has you as my dear reader

little time

within this short span of 12-ish hours. i must

pay off sleep debt for the past 25-ish hours of waiting for live firing with micro naps in between

try and get as healthy as possible after being out in the rain for 1.5 hours and before tekong field camp

choose what to appeal for and what to accept for uni

prepare my clothes and make sure they are dry and relatively clean, which is dirty by most civilian standards

and have a good enough lunch and dinner so i wont crave anything during 4 days outfield, even though i still will.

---

anyway, planning to accept architecture from NUS and trying to appeal for either aerospace eng or psychology. haven't really decided which yet. probably going to put aerospace this year and if i fail, go for it again nxt year with psych as 2nd choice.

also, the srjc sc investiture is on july 20th, so if any past councillors read this, try and make it there, anyway, we should try and keep a close connection with the school and our old teachers who helped us out so much, it would only be unreasonable to forget them once we leave school.

i'm trying to write an email (just like old times) to convince as many people to go as possible and if even better, go there a few days earlier to give them some tips and advice on what their next 2 years will be like. something like a presentation and open table kind of thing. i don't think mrs tay would have any objections so i think the hardest thing to do is to convince ex-councilors can make it

anyway, unusally optimistic about helping out others. the lack of sleep must be doing something to me.

According To My Mother

My studying habits haven't changed since I was in primary school.

in fact she was prepared to guilt trip me and "talk" about my habits, or in her words' "let me bang my head on the wall so i know how it feels."

more essentially, she has been doing that since i was doing my psle.

thats friggin 6 years ago. and she's been preparing after every major exam

woah. i think i just used up all my luck juice for the next 10 years

Deja vu

i went back to my old posts to check on something

then i realised that one of my posts from last year was also titled week 5

this is what i wrote 1 year ago


although then, the week 5 and this time round week 5 means different things.

also, due to me giving up my precious time for my nation, i would have no time to do the things people say for 2010, unlike years before. if you want to read past posts : year 2009, year 2007.

so i need a favor from anyone who visits or just passes by this blog. if you look to your left, you'll see a little blue box, most people call that a tagbox. now insert you name and then write one thing you love about me, and one thing you hate about me. just write anything you feel like writing. if you feel that i have changed a lot this past year or i have stayed the same too much or that i just a dumb loser fucker also can. i won't be around on the weekdays to do any banning or deleting posts anyway. i'd probably be holding a SAR 21, in my long 4 and aiming down the sight anyway.