Boomz is not funny

it wasn't even funny in the video itself, it's just something you raise your eyebrow over, not roll on the floor laughing

so people saying it in real life doesn't make it funny too

p.s Neither is shingz

If i sleep now and wake up tomorrow still pissed off about someting i have no control over

then i'm officially in the Popsicle Mutilation Symposium.

HOLY CRAPZ TEKONGZ? NOWZ? REALLYZ? NO! I MEAN YAY! NO! shit

now i have a headache

been long since i blogged anything substantial

i kind of just gave up on the daily blog thing, it wasn't working. i made it a chore to come up with something to write, and even more so since i have no motivation to do so since only 5 people get to read it everyday.

anyway, lots of things happened between then and now. lots of issues i've been thinking about which never fully blossomed into full fledged views and ideas that i found worthy enough to blog. that and the fact that i can't remember anything now.

if you've guessed that i just struck the lottery, you'd be 0% correct. actually i just got hit with the letter to go into NS just now. i've actually been fretting (is that a real word?) about it since i heard from yuan hong's malay friend whose name i can't remember until now, latiff, yes that's him, i think. i have a headache. anyway, overheard him talking about going into police, which he said was racist and that his brother was an officer so he's damn pissed. in a joking sort of way. so i asked yh about how to check the enlistment date and he said the ns website did that. so i've been checking it every few days and not getting any real response. it just wrote: you will be enlisted between dec 09 and may 2010, which is essentially useless information.

anyway, finally got the letter today, going to BASIC MILITARY TRAINING CENTRE SCHOOL 3, on 11-Dec-2009 and for those who don't know where that is, its' in tekong, directly in tekong. and in case you're wondering why this early. it's cause i'm fat and can't run to save my life, although i'm pretty sure i could in an urban environment.

i actually have absolutely no idea what to feel right now, even though i'm feeling really intense right now, like intensely scared or anxious or idunno it feels like how i felt the day before getting my streaming results. i still have no idea what that felt like exactly, but i know it feels like this. like your heart is very "tight" but there's no real good or bad feeling about it.

i feel both very good and very bad about army at the same time, which apparently is not good for the heart.

on one hand, i know i'm probably going to die from not being able to run and do all the physical stuff in the army and kenna tekan a lot. and also because of my retarded reflexes that the stupid test thinks i have. i will probably not go into a vocation with good "credentials" at least, intellectually. so i don't think my luck in the army will be very good.

but on the other hand, i get to touch a gun.

but still, the ippt and all that stuff, failing it is just going to limit where you can go, and more importantly getting screwed by the officers.

but on the other hand, the freaking gun.

so that kind of sums up what i feel about the army. i get the feeling that im not like most people in their perception of the army. most people think that the army is a waste of time and resources and that people who try to be leaders are either stuck up or boot lickers or both. i'm from the school of thought that i want to make the most out the my time there, and the only way i can do so is put myself out there and get attention, be high profile that sort of thing but i get the feeling that most people will probably hate me for it. so i feel kind of weird for thinking this way.

am i really the exception, and more importantly is thinking like that gonna get me screwed by my own platoon? i have never really talked about it to anyone who has attended to army yet so if your reading this post and you fulfill the strict criteria of going through ns and having my email, please send me an email to tell me something about this.

another thing that happened recently. some of us in jc went for lunch after physics paper 2 at kfc. wee teck couldn't so he went to the kopitiam instead, i joined him because i didn't feel like getting kfc for 2 days in the same week. so we talked and he started to talk about a few people in our class whom he thought was , since the pre a levels, quite obvious that they were going up. he atually said that there were quite a lot. which when i asked him to name, he couldnt name more than half the class, which he initially thought. And i think this thought was quite frightening, 40% of the class is at least, somewhat capable and shown proof that they were able to get into a university after the a levels, which means people like us get left behind. and now i have a cough. what happens when you feel like you're going to fail. and please don't say the self-fulfilling prophecy thing because that's just crap. this is the second time this year that i've felt like i was going to and i have no idea what to do. it feels like i have no one to talk to even though i'm online all the time. it's quite scary to do this alone. what's the medical term for feeling alone when there are in fect options available but you just aren't taking it. i'm going to invent one now. i'm lonerscrewed. and i need help.

also i decided i wanted to add another thing to a list of what i want to do in the future. skydiving instructor. because that is awesome. also, i read that you actually need at least 15 plus tandem (stuck with an instructor) jumps before you can do solo jumps and after that you need some solo jumps before you can do instructing.

I highly suspect that my life will end in a suicide

it's like this weird nagging feeling.

not like a this much work is killing me kind of way.

but like a holy crap, i'm gonna die alone, and with a gun possibly


and most importantly, facebook isn't helping.

Munchausen