Choices in games

There has been numerous discussions over the use of choice in gaming, whether it be a moral one or otherwise.

Here's a bit of what I'm talking about for those unclear.

I don't want to go into too much detail of the discussion, except my own opinion of it. I feel that games being the interactive media that they have the ability to make us reflect about the choice we make and reflect about us in particular. It's different from a movie or a book where we judge a characters' decisions and whatever happens happens, all for the sake of the narrative.

In most games, choices are boiled down to simple questions, big sword or big shield, money or power, good or evil, etc. Playing games often enough, I generally have a sense of which choice I'm going to pick even before they ask the question. (I'm good by the way.)

Anyway, this game comes along and throws me out of my comfort zone. Bastion

This is an amazing game. And I bought it for only $5.

Choice in this game reflects the idea that there is no right answer in the real world, and we have to make decisions regardless.

I want to discuss this here but I really don't want to spoil it for anyone who even is 1% interested in playing this game. Which is that case, BUY THE GAME, or tell me, I will get it for you.

ANW SPOILERS KTHXBYE.

there are essentially 2 points in time you have to make a decision. Here's a brief outline of what happened so far. There has been a great disaster that wiped out most of your people. You go around looking for things that will power your "bastion" or safe haven. You end up finding a few people who also survived and they will agree to go back with you. You find out that the disaster was a genocide attempt meant to wipe out a certain race of people but backfired, causing everyone to die instead. One of the people you rescued, who is that race targeted, finds out before you do and leaves, but not before he sabotages your safe haven. You after much salvaging, go after him, because he stole a thing that you need to keep the safe haven afloat. When you finally meet up with him, you see him being battered by his own people because they believe he brought you here, who at this point rips apart their defenses and soldiers. He is helpless and wounded and possibly dying. You on the other hand, are holding a weapon that requires 2 hands. You retrieve the magical item and the choice comes up.

Do you save him and forsake your weapon, which is your only defense, or do you carry him back and leave your weapon.

For me, this choice was fairly simple because I am a straightforward good guy. The only difficult part about this choice was that he was not particularly my friend at this point, after all he did sabotage my bastion and also some other hurtful things (even though he was not wrong to do so).

After you return home (with or without him) you learn that the magical thing that you found powers a machine which again with 2 options.

To restore the world to a time before the disaster, or to evacuate into the new (albeit more or less destroyed) world.

I was genuinely stuck at this question because I grew attached to the characters (courtesy of the amazing storytelling) by the end of the game and restoring would mean that I would not know these same "people". But to escape is to leave it in ruins and that's also not acceptable. This was a choice that had no slant towards good nor evil and so most of the things I have become used to was now useless. This became a difficult decision just like that. So I'm stuck.

My brother happened to be in the room so I asked his opinion. He said, If you go back in time, how would you know that it wont happen again? And that struck a chord in me.

So I chose to evacuate. And I felt like the game somehow rewarded me, because the achievement I would got for completing the game was titled

The Beginning.

SIDW

When you have forgotten someones name, simply say : "I'm sorry, but what was your name one more time." They may act offended, but when they give you there first name you simply reply "No, I meant your last name." (more socially acceptable to forget). Bingo. First and last names.


If you park in a large parking garage/shopping centre, get out and take a photo on your cell phone of the nearest parking sign (Area B2, etc). You will never lose your car again.


In class, if it's a presentation where someone has to present without looking at notes or anything like that, and while they're up in front of classroom presenting, some people forget what they're talking about, space out, freak out, and lose their train of thought. To counter this, nod your head at the end of each sentence they say, confirming what they're saying. They will somehow use this as a motivator and 9 times out of 10 will keep presenting without fault.

If you're in a crowded social group, restaurant, bar, party etc... and you want to know if someone is checking you out try this:

Turn sideways from them (they will be either 90 degrees right or left of you), then very obviously, look at your watch (even if you don't wear one, lift your wrist) then point at your watch and nod thoughtfully. Over acting is perfectly acceptable.

If they are keeping tabs on you, even peripherally, they will have a sudden urge to know the time and will either look at their own watch, cell phone, or casually look at the various obvious places where someone would put a clock.

I'm a paramedic. When a patient is possibly faking unconsciousness we have 2 tricks to determine if they're really unconscious or not. First, you can lightly brush their eyelashes with your finger. Their eyes will flutter if they're faking it. Alternatively, if they're on their back you can lift their arm over their face and let it go. A conscious person will drop their arm away from their face.

Finally, a trick to see if someone is faking a neck injury or neck pain. Put a thermometer in their mouth while checking their vitals, then ask them a yes or no question while looking them in the eyes. If you aren't looking directly at them they tend to answer with a strained "uh-huh" or "unh-uh", but if you're looking directly at them they will usually nod their head. Someone who is faking the pain can do this with ease.

And yes, there are a lot of calls where people fake pain, illness, etc. for various reasons...

The door-in-the-face technique. The general idea is that you ask someone for a huge favor which you're relatively confident they'll say no to. Then you ask them for a small favor.

Subjects who initially refuse the huge favor have a much higher compliance rate on the small favor than if you just ask directly for the small favor or if you present both at once.

If they end up saying yes to the huge favor, that's also good.

If I need to remember to do anything at all the next day I will put something in my room out of place. This works every time. Say for example I really want to remember to email my professor before leaving for class I will put a movie on the floor. I will initially think "Why is that-oh right email Ernie".

When trying to convince somebody to do something...offer them two options...either of which is OK with you. Humans have a hard time selecting outside of the given options.

Example: So, did you want me to pick you up at 7:00 or 7:30? Did you want me to pick up the $50 one or the $35 one?

"Nobody questions a man with a clipboard who looks like he belongs there"

A few months ago, a few local gas stations were robbed of all their red bull by a guy wearing a red bull polo and a clipboard. He walks in a tells the clerk that the red bull has expired and that he's replacing them. He loads the "old" red bull on a cart and leaves never to be seen again.

You would be shocked to find out how often "Hey look, a distraction!" works. Sure, they usually get mad right afterward, but I spent the time between them turning and catching on to what they just heard leaving the room.

Protip: it is best to do this next to a door, especially if you can get out of that door's line of sight quickly.

Proofread documents backwards. You'll catch more misspelled words.

Shit i didn't know, Courtesy of Reddit.com

p.s. Get a "Security" shirt.

To Do List: Big Ideas Edition

1) Learn to cook, at least at a basic enough level that I can either (hopefully both) cook for myself when I move out to a hostel, eventually my own house, and cook for my eventual couchsurfing host when I stay at their house.

2) Write a book about the life of my parents and the environment that they grew up in.

3) Learn a new language, either French or German.

4) Make more CouchSurfing friends

5) Put a (few) disposable cameras around Orchard Road and various other places for a single day and printing out the pictures.

6) Finding a new tumblr (or other) name/server so I can transfer, so that my potential readers can have a relatively (user-interface wise) better experience reading.

I'm still not 100% sure if I want to export the history to my new blog or just leave it here as part of history.

Quips

If I just found out about an issue and I have no opinion of it, would the first few opinions of others affect my own judgement? Would it be mildly immoral to want to find out about others' opinions so that I don't have to formulate my own and think too much about it?

Also, I'm looking to transfer this blog to a tumblr or wordpress style blog, but I'm not sure what to use as my url. Suggestions?

Vocals and Lyrics

Stupid stupid shit, on stupid stupid people

See, I have this friend, and he will definitely know I'm writing about him because he is pretty much the only person who reads this blog aside from the 20 hits I get from bots and IT programs very other week. I've heard him, and by him I mean you, say that it's easy to go back to being depressed or being numb or whatever whenever you, and by you I mean him, hear certain songs.

And I heard him, you, say that you, he, listens to the lyrics when it comes to music. Obviously, most of the sentimentality (I'm not sure if I'm using that word right), comes from the words. I, on the other hand, am more of a mixed bag of tricks. Because I have some kind of hearing deficiency that doctors have not yet identified, I can't pick up lyrics as easily as other people can, so I enjoy music that generally have a very nice tune.or rhythm. or melody. Basically everything but the lyrics. I can't remember words, almost as badly as I can't remember sounds. What I can do is mostly recognize songs, like in the first 2 seconds, which is a very weird trick. So, to be frank I'm less of a mixed bag of tricks, and more of a empty bag save a hammer. But hey, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

An interesting story about lyrics, or vocals to be more exact. One song I really enjoyed, and still do. is How To Save A Life By The Fray, so after listening for about 500 times, I decided to learn how to play the piano part. I was watching the tutorials on youtube when I noticed that after 4 "cycles" (I don't know what they're called) the melody repeated itself. Which I thought was strange, given that I have no training with any musical instruments (recorders don't count). So I listened to the full version again, and right at the part when the "cycle" is about to repeat itself, the guitars and the vocals pick up, masking the piano. That felt strange to me, but yet it reminded me of that Linkin Park song in the Transformers movie, the first one, not the other ones. That too had a starting melody that got covered up by louder instruments.

So, intrigued as I was, I blew out a puff from my smoking pipe (I didn't have a smoking pipe) and decided to play the other common pop songs at that point in time, which if I remember correctly was The Script. Interestingly enough, I found out that most (very obvious in The Script) songs actually feature the vocals as another instrument as opposed to rhythmic poetry. If you listen closely enough, most songs without vocals sound like a different song entirely, which is strange as it is. What the vocals does is that it takes the song in another direction tune wise, and makes it possibly more palatable. And that is why most pop songs actually feature very very bad instrumental versions.Because more often that not, the vocals play a key component of the entire melody.

"Now where are you going with this, old chap?" asked Watson, flustered. I paced around the room back and forth, trying to figure where the hell that voice came from.

Anyway, with this newfound understanding of the music world that I just blew you mind with, it becomes easier to appreciate songs as not so much entertaining poetry, but music which doesn't have meaning. But it's not as easy when you lack my (dis)ability. I suggest J-POP songs. Typically the only j-pop songs I picked up where openings from popular anime shows such as:

Pretty good for newbies, it actually has TWO words that you understand at the start and more if you listen on.

Also one of my favorites.

More ladylike, no less, um, loud?

Also more recommendations, Opening from Tenga Toppa Gurren Lagann, and the collected works of FLCL (which is the full name of the anime just FLCL). the entire album of FLCL is pretty awesome. There was also an opening from Gundam SEED which I can't seem to remember.

Disclaimer: I Don't Watch Much Anime, As You Might Think.

There is a side effect of listening to J-pop music though. When you eventually listen to the translated lyrics, it may turn out that the very hard rockish music are actually talking about some more fluffy idea like friendship and trust and some weird crap like that. Also another side effect, I will repeat those same wrong lyrics, loudly, and in public. This may not happen to you though.

I get that some people just like their music with a bit more meaning than just coordinated sound, I totally get that. I wish most things in life had a deeper meaning. But why keep doing it to yourself and feel sad, or nothing if that's what you feel. I used to be the same way. Intuitively, something told me that what I was listening to was affecting me at some level, whether conscious or not, and I steered the fuck away from those music. In fact, one of the songs I kept on repeat was "When It's Over" by Sugar Ray, which was very "happy" in some sense, but at least I felt like *meh* instead of *teardrops* or *cutting-myself-to-make-the-pain-go-away*. And the *meh* was very funny because that's how I would feel if I failed an exam at that time. Music has a strange way of reprogramming our moods, and trust me listening to happy music when you're sad does make you happy. People just don't do that because it doesn't "fit" with the atmosphere or they just want to go back and sulk or brood.

DEDICATIONS, BITCHES: to Zhengyang, because he's the only one who still reads my blog.

Taxi fare not fair

Lately, taxi companies have decided to increase fares. Actually, they phrased it as "revising their rates", which I naively thought not to be increasing fares. How naive of me. Anyway, as of now, I'm still not exactly sure what changed and what didn't. I was still trying to adjust to the last fare hike.

One interesting observation though, the loudest people complaining are the young people. Of course that could easily mean I haven't been talking to enough older people, which it does. Anyway, I find this interesting because  young people seem to be devastated by this, and it really sounds like they have been crushed by such an increase in fares.

Personally, I don't see this as such a bane as I would, perhaps a bus rate hike, because I see a taxi ride as a luxury. And if my economics hasn't failed me, it just means I will take less cab rides in the future. And when I really really want to do it, say for instance I have a lot of stuff to move, I'm still going to take a cab, the increase in fares isn't going to affect my decision much.

I think it affects young people that much is that we have started to see the taxi as interchangeable with buses and mrt, perhaps not to such a great degree, but people nowadays do take it at some kind of regularity. My parents and their generation tended to see taxi rides as something to be avoided, an unnecessary expense. I like to think like my predecessors as often as my values would let me. Sometimes, (i.e when I'm crazy) I wish I got married at 16 like the Arabs and the farmers in the past. Anyway, moving on, I do marvel at the regularity that some (of course not all) people who seem to take taxis every other week, think about it, you definitely know a few.

This doesn't "outrage" me because this is companies being the companies that they are. They are not supposed to look out for your welfare, they are supposed to look out for their profits. I have a GodGrandfather who is a taxi driver for as long as I knew him and retiring soon, and he doesn't make much, any way you look at it. Generally, from what I understand, nobody seems to profit from these fare hikes. Drivers lose more potential customers every time the price hikes, and they still have to pay back that same amount to the company, who in turn subsidize the petrol they use, which drivers will tell you is not enough. Taxi is an industry that is lose-lose, and you still expect the driver to smile at you.

I also don't get as outraged because this is actually, many of you don't know this, a trend in developed nations. Japan is one of the countries where taxis are so ridiculously expensive that people don't ever take it except for emergencies, such as late for interviews. I use the term "emergencies" loosely. To put it in perspective, The flag down rate for a Jap taxi costs 710 yen for the first 2km, close to $12sgd, whereas a Singaporean taxi would cost $2.80 + $0.60 for a 2km ride. Few places are known for taxis, the only one I can think of is New York City.

My third reason is that people who are less well off financially don't ever really need to take cabs so it doesn't cut an even bigger chunk of their already small amount of disposable income. I doubt you want to hear me elaborate on that.

I think I just wrote a GP essay without even really trying. I'm not going to write a conclusion.

Happiness

The search for happiness is dead. Stop looking for happiness. You will get there when you get there.

And until then.

Do things not because you think they will make you happy. Do things because you want to do them. And if you want to do nothing, do just that.

Because happiness will find you, not the other way around.

HPatDHp2

That is a terrible picture of Snape.

Finally got around to watching HPatDHp2. ON BLURAY. Tried out rigging my laptop to my tv for the first time. Pretty cool, except that the sound quality wasn't really as impressive and speaker kept producing the kind of sounds when u slap a piece of paper in mid-air, but only when the orchestral plays the really low sounds, so it didn't affect my much except when Voldemort BLEEPBLEEPBLEEPBLEEPBLEEP.

Set-up wise, the video was pretty awesome for a movie, very clear except certain parts it gets glitchy which is weird. The sound was quite low although I was pretty confident that can be fixed, because I intentionally kept the volume of my VLC player at 100% instead of 400% which is what i normally do, thinking that it might improve my sound quality. Ended up having to turn the volume on my tv up all the way to 100 (normally at 20) and resulted in the slap sounds, I THINK.

Story wise, it felt weird for a movie to feel too rushed and too dragged out at the same time. This is the first movie where I read the book beforehand so I knew what was supposed to happen where. And for future reference, ALWAYS watch the movie first, even though it's bad business for the author, I'm sorry to all authors. Movies will always be restricted by time and will always cut parts of a book out and this is no different. The pacing of the book was a little strange at the end, but because it was exciting, nobody questioned it mid-reading. In the movie, it becomes very obvious. There is a lot of back-and-forth not only between people but also between places so it feels stuck in some parts. The front, on the other hand, feels rushed. From Shell Cottage with Bill Weasley and his beautiful wife all the way to the conversation with Aberforth.

The visuals are obviously spectacular, except for any part with floating objects. I can't believe it's 2011 and we still haven't nailed down floating objects yet.

Something I want to give massive props to is the acting. Particularly that of Snape and Voldemort. Surprisingly for the end of the series, the protagonists' don't stand out in particular. Many times, it feels like this whole army of good guys (which while filled with all brilliant actors, all have too little screen time, another flaw of books-turned-movies) versus one person and his horde of cannon fodder.

Snape was great in this movie and the actor, I think, Alan Rickman deserves an Oscar. I think this might be the single best acting I have ever seen. The only other movie to have won the honor of being the best in something (in my mind) is the first 8 minutes of Up the movie. Specifically the best part was Harry reliving the memories of Snape. That short clip really took the cake. Even as I read the books, I never felt any sort of attachment to him as a character, despite what the fangirls out there would say. He was a good character in terms of character development but I just didn't like him that much.

Well, Alan Rickman's acting changed all that.

Voldemort also appeared pretty impressive, acting wise. First time seeing him as a desperate character, pretty good in my book.

All in all, great movie, disappointing on the not-enough-Emma-Watson department. : )

To Do List

As of now: Nothing. ORD LO.

Updates: The second I pasted the picture, my mom called me to help teach my cousin math.

You win this round, Universe.

Back And Forth

I think people generally assume that when we have a particular view on a subject now, it would not change over time. People give politicians a lot of flak for being inconsistent over certain issues and I can see why they might be upset. When someone running for office changes his stance, it could be misconstrued as trying to win over voters and become unreliable. "Is he saying that just to get my vote?"

But people do change their views, even without external influence. It's understandable that, say when perhaps someone bears children who develop mental retardation, their views on mental retardation would definitely change. But one thing people do not seem to understand is that people can in fact change their views without being influenced by anything. 

I believe it is human nature to be questioning. To be curious, if that's how you like it. And we, as the curious human beings that we are will apply that same attitude not only to others but also to our own viewpoints.

Something that I have noticed pretty often is that while some people do admit that they have "struggled" with a particular belief in the past, having gone back and forth several times, they inadvertently come back to the same conclusion that they have always held. I have never encountered or even heard about a single person who after much deliberation with himself, come to the opposite conclusion.

Sometimes when I see someone (usually politicians because they're the easiest to spot) stick to their guns and maintain their stand in spite of overwhelming evidence, I can't help but feel like he never really thought it through.

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. 

Anyone who has given any serious amount of thought understands that there are serious flaws in his beliefs, and he believes it because the alternative has even more flaws. He who thinks knows that he could be wrong.

I think it is easy for people to remain absolute when they do not think about that particular topic much. Like me, for example. I like to think that in the abortion debate, I am a pro-choice person. But I never had to make that particular choice, nor anyone else around me. I used to believe that abortion shouldn't be taken off the table because a woman has a right to choose. To me, at that time, it was very simply an issue of choice, that one should not take a person's right to choose away from her. Abortion is more than that. It is about life. It is a very difficult question and even when I picture my hypothetical sister or girlfriend or wife making that choice (sorry, I just can't picture myself with such a responsibility as being pregnant), I, even hypothetically, am totally and utterly void of any coherent thoughts. I cannot think logically at that point, not even when I place myself at that hypothetical level.

How hard must it be for someone to deal with that?

The thoughts in this post was a lot more logical in my mind. I got distracted and by the time i got to writing it, which is only like 10 minutes later, it just became a string of vaguely connected points. Sorry if you read all the way and still have no idea what I wanted to say. I kind of forgot too.

Updates

Update: I am currently in the process of "acquiring" The Blu Ray edition Of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 so I will be more awed by the improved graphics.

P.S. I haven't watched any version of it yet. Except the book, in which case, I read it, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Note To Self

If you ever need information, call up the appropriate organization and pretend to be a reporter or director or writer.

Some information are harder to obtain because people naturally become defensive when being asked, like passwords, IC numbers and specific people's information, whether others' or self.

Anticipation

Currently I have Harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 on my phone. I haven't watched it yet and I also didn't get to watch it in the theaters, as I would have liked because I couldn't get anyone to go with me. It's been on my phone for a month.

As much as I desperately want to watch it, I cannot bring myself to do so. There's too much anticipation and the bar has been set too high in my mind for this movie to ever reach. I'm expecting too much from this movie that it is as if I am forcing myself not to watch this, even though I want to very much.

This is a sick feeling. I feel dirty. Haha

Excerpts From My iPhone: Naked Eye

At one point, I was quite interested in finding out how far the naked eye could see. At that time, in my mind, all I could really picture was a person or a building or an object walking or somehow being further and further away until a point where i could no longer see them with binoculars or other aids.

Eventually I got motivated enough to actually google for the answer. Most of the pages that turned up were about astronomy, which referenced things like biggest star you could see with your naked eye, or furthest celestial object visible and things like that.

My entire frame of mind changed as I read more and more into it.

While I was more interested in finding out a particular distance to which a person disappeared from my sight, I had failed to take into account any other factor at all. Granted I did think about sizes like buildings and such but they were always more of an afterthought. Seeing astronomy pages turn up in my "research" was eye opening because it introduced the possibility of other more important factor to a simple question like brightness, size and  clouds or fogs.

I don't really know why I wanted to share this particular story. I couldn't pick out a moral of the story, at least not one that is not vague. Maybe you learnt more from it than I did.

The Hobby That Is Reading.

I only finished reading my solid can-be-thrown-at-someone-and-injure book at 18 when i entered the army. It was one of those de-evolution that takes place when you are forced into a place without Internet. I finished reading one of the harry potter books because i was looking for hints of Hermione romance, so i was a little disappointed at the incredibly short few words, but the amazing storytelling of JKR more than makes up for it.

I have read quite a small number of books, and even less fiction novel-style books. It's not so much that i hate reading but more that I find it hard to get interested in reading books in particular. I mean, I read quite a lot online. I absorb information at a relatively quick pace and I am genuinely interested in getting new information. I also enjoy the fine art of storytelling in all its forms, movies, comic books, music, audiobooks, games, well, except interpretive dance.So it doesn't quite add up that someone who enjoys both reading words and stories would dislike reading novels. I enjoy both immensely, but separately. Here's why. About half the books i have read so far, which probably numbers about 4, are non-fiction, revolving information woven into hopefully an interesting narrative, something similar to books by Malcolm Gladwell. In other words, it's about learning new things or tips or even trends regarding life and society. This proportion is generally atypical of most people who consider themselves capable of reading books.

The problem I have with reading novels in particular is that it takes a lot mental energy and time. Compared to all other forms of media, it takes a lot more concentration to finish a book. A movie takes about 2 hours average nowadays and even when I'm watching a bad movie, it would be over in 2 hours, and perhaps more importantly, there will always be some element that draws my attention when everything else sucks, like action scenes or less commonly, music. With a book, both factors disappear. Books are woefully one-dimensional to me, someone without any real literature appreciation. I know what it feels like to be gripped thoroughly by a book's storyline but not much else. It's hard to separate different elements of a book, especially in mid-reading.

To someone who doesn't read as much, here's how i enjoy my books. Half of the satisfaction comes from be gripped as i said and wanting to flip the page as soon as possible. The other half comes when you're done and analyzing the finer and subtler elements, like characterization and pacing and why the author chose to depict one thing instead of the other and what that meant from a storytelling perspective.

So to really explain why it is harder to enjoy a book would be that my enjoyment of it is completely up to the talent of the writer. A movie or video game is different in that different elements come together under direction to create a beautiful piece. A movie or game can excel as either a cohesive whole or individual elements, but not a book. In that sense, with the larger time investment and less potential to be as interesting or even distracting, books are really not ideal for randomly picking up and just doing. I could randomly pick up a dvd, read the back and catch my attention enough to pop it in and finish it, but i just cannot do that with a book. Almost every book i have read is from a recommendation and I don't have enough confidence in the authors of the world to pick up a book and be convinced that it was going to keep me entertained for the next 12 hours.

And That's Why I Don't Get People Who Can Read At Any Kind Of Regular Pace

idea for cartoon

just had an idea for a kids cartoon.

Shot of kid in bed besides mom, not being able to fall asleep. Mom finishes telling her story and little kid is nowhere near sleep. She tells him to try counting sheep instead.

Camera pans up, passes through roof, sky, clouds, to a shot of sheep general telling his men "get ready!" or "we have our orders!" The cute sheep soldiers say yessir then hop down the clouds to the kids head. and start jumping over the fence.

Then the kid starts to fall sleep. "good job boys."

Sidenote

P.S. I finally beat The Binding Of Isaac. And it only took 10.4 hours

... when everything else comes so close

There's this game I've been playing a lot lately.

It's called The Binding Of Isaac.

According to Steam, I've played it for 9.5 hours, and in that time, I've beaten it zero times. This is not one of those endless survival type games where you just try and beat wave after wave of enemies until you eventually die. This is those type of beatable games that i have yet to beat.

There are 6 levels (for now) and by all accounts, this is not an unbeatable game. It's just really really hard. But as a game it's very solid, considering that it is an indie release (much less funds compared to a publisher backed studio). The music is incredible in that it really sets the mood and atmosphere of the game. Graphics are clean and fit well with the art direction. The gameplay is unique in this day and age because it combines random dungeon generation with rpg elements. You play as Isaac who enters the basement and goes into different rooms, mostly filled with monsters, but occasionally other assorted goodies like items and shops. To complete one level, you need to beat the boss and go (fall) into the next level. Now this sounds pretty formulaic until you add the fact that when you die at any level, you go back to the first level and lose all your items. (ALL your FRIGGIN items). But while that sounds like a gamebreaker, the fact that every new game is randomly generated makes it a whole new game every single time.

This is the most frustrating game i have ever played and yet i can't stop playing it. A little anecdote to put you in the right frame of mind. After 3 (not continuous) hours of playing, i finally reached the last boss for the very first time. At that time I thought i was pretty prepared for it, I had about 6 hearts and 2 or 3 soul hearts, totaling to about 9 hearts. (keep in mind, most enemies only hit for half a heart even though few do hit for one full heart). I can easily take on 18 hits from the last boss. I also had quite a few items that made me more faster and something called Halo of Flies which were these 2 flies that circled my head and could take hits for me. All in all, I'm pretty decked out to kick his ass. But because this was the first time i faced the last boss, i didn't really have any idea what to avoid so everything is completely new to me. I ended taking 3/4 of his health before dying. I thought to myself, ok pretty reasonable, no i know what to expect.

The next game i played, i found an item which could instantly kill the boss, provided it was at full charge. It was the middle levels and i had to sacrifice some other items in order to get it because i could only hold on to one item with "charges". I finally scrapped my way to the level 6. At which point, i had about 5 hearts left. I also had a map in this run through so i figured the best way was to go straight to the boss and take him out. I struggled the whole way there. And when i reached the second last room, just besides the boss, i had only 1.5 hearts left. I knew i had to be careful. I went in and ran straight to the corner. Unfortunately, I got cornered by them and they took me out in 2 hits. I was so pissed. I had the item that could insta kill the boss and i was only 1 room away. FUCK.

That is the kind of frustration you face in this game.

As a game it is incredibly fun and addictive, there's lots of replay value and it's only 5 USD which is more bargain for your buck.

But I'm not sure if I can recommend this game.

I left out the story of this game. It involves Isaac and his mom who is a christian, so for those easily offended please skip the following paragraph. Also the video.

Hopefully, you would have watched the video so what I'm saying will makes sense. Apparently "The Binding Of Isaac" is an actually tale from the bible, which i didn't know before this. Obviously people are going to be offended by this, not even the religious, just well meaning reasonable people would be offended by this. I wouldn't even show this to my own mother. So you can imagine roughly what entails the contents of this game. The items, are in fact items of religious value like the bible (which was the one hit insta kill item) rosary, Whore of Babylon, etc, along with items related to Isaac and his mom like a dead cat named Guppy and Mom's underwear and lipstick. No, I am not kidding. Mom's Underwear is an ingame item. All your projectiles are body fluids, mostly tears, but also sometimes chocolate milk and pee. The game has poop  and flies around and the final boss (at first) is Mom herself. You can see how people could get offended by this.

This is not a game I could recommend to many people. You have to be genuinely open-minded about the subject matter and understand that while this wasn't meant as a joke, it's also not meant as a statement of any kind.

Which is sad because as a game, it is really incredible because many of the elements are from past retro games and this can actually act as a history lesson in terms of gameplay mechanics go. Everything else is really so close to perfect.

To see this kind of everything-about-it-being-great-except-the-subject-matter, watch this next clip by The Lonely Island. Music-wise, it's pretty awesome.

The Creep (Feat. Nicki Minaj)

Weak

Perhaps one of the scariest part of growing up is coming to terms with one's own shortcomings. Not the parts we secretly admit to ourselves that we are really proud of like being arrogant or brash. We are really just in denial anyway. It's the big things and questions that we don't like to ask that scare the hell out of us. They linger in the dark recesses of our minds, these questions, like are we not strong enough as a person that we cannot face our past and not let our mistakes define us. Are we strong enough to face those criticism and hold our head high knowing full well we are fully conscious of making that decision. It scares us to know that we are weak.

Ho Jia Jiu Ho

Life is Hard

Life is hard, things are never easy, we will always find ways to look at them and find them imperfect.
But what gives us any kind of motivation to keep moving


why are we so afraid to die, so afraid to let go of the material things.
I guess what i'm trying to say is that if life is so hard, then why are we afraid of death.
why do we not look forward to it as an escape from the struggle that is life.

And i don't really have anyone to ask, because my closest friend also doesn't really look forward to life.

If i were to really dig deep, I figured the answer is the people around you that you love. It's hard to let them go.

Someone once asked me,
why do i live my life, what is my purpose for living.

I told him nothing, that i had nothing to live for.
He replied, then why are you still here? Just jump la, there's nothing here anyway.
I told him i wanted to spare my parents the agony of burying their own child.
So i rephrased my answer. It turns out that my purpose in life was to outlive them.
He asked me if i was sure that was the answer. He said that are you sure you are living now to love them?
And that sentence never really made sense to me. It was as simple as my presence alone made them feel loved. So i couldn't really take that next step and jump even if i wanted to. I owed them that much that i could not willingly do something that i know would hurt them.

Inaction, becomes an act of love then.
It sure doesn't feel like it.

I figured out a long time ago that when i no longer had anyone to live for, i wouldn't. It was as simple as that

When the day comes and no one depends on me for happiness anymore. Then i'll leave, on my own terms.

Excerpts from my iPhone: Affecting Others

When I was a kid, I couldn't really comprehend how my own decisions affected others close to me, particularly my family. It made no sense at that time that when I chose to stay at home and play my computer instead of going out with them would cause them to be easily infuriated. It still doesn't because i perceive that to be an individual decision that would only affect myself. I wasn't making any kind of statement or proving any point by not doing something in particular. "No, I refuse to be in the company of those who choose to eat lunch on time" I wasn't saying that. But people would somehow twist and turn my perceived intentions until i, for some reason became the bad guy.

I still struggle to catch many of these really subtle implications of my actions these days. But its' easier now when i see my own brother making the same decisions i made 5 years ago. Then, i wanted to stay at home as often as possible to play because that was the only thing in my mind. He does the same except he has a choice of skating or playing video games. But the general implications are the same. My mum would get frustrated at trying to talk to an adolescent son and my dad gets frustrated but quiet, when my mum does. Now, at least seeing it from a third person perspective, you get to see what went wrong in the communication. Sometimes it's the tone of voice that gets people jumpy, sometimes the fact that people are rushing for time or that the activity in question has been pushed back for a long enough time. Of course i still miss many of the cues that arise with this and my dad is hardly useful at all (in that regard). He just keeps quiet. I wonder if he's figured it out yet.

Excerpts from my iPhone: Beliefs And Such

16 Oct 2011

For the longest time since i became "atheist", one belief that i held very religiously was the fact that with as much potential for evil that men is capable of, we are also capable of great good. And that is a good enough justification for one to be good as an individual, because sometimes we all need that glimmer of hope to know that mankind is not a forsaken race. I call it a religious belief because it was something i believed in because i had faith in the humanity of all people, and because if we were to really take a look closely, it would be quite hard to find any reason or logic to do so. But i persisted, and believed that man was good for the better part of 4 years.

Now, I am having what some would call a spiritual crisis or religious crisis. That the one fundamental belief that you held which kept you grounded to the world was so shaken it almost feels like nothing is true. Something akin to God is not real or perhaps not as dramatic, more like there is a fourth holy book after the bible, a new New Testament.

I can never truly process how people can remain persistently selfish. It always feels like a major flaw in one's moral code when helping others is replaced by self-preservation. Perhaps I'm the weird person. Perhaps this world really does run on greed and self-preservation. Perhaps altruism really does not have a place in our culture. Perhaps I was really really wrong for those 4 years.

I'm not sure. But all I know is that if the people surrounding me (in this tent) represent the greater demographic of how Singaporeans and the Singapore Society is like, then there really is no good reason to defend these sons of bitches.

hypocrisy

i have a great deal of respect for comedians. They are able to make people laugh even in the worst of days.

and yet for that same reason, i pity the television hosts, with their fake smiles and larger-than-life attitudes.

I often find myself saying why do people run for fun, even though i know very well its' the same reason i enjoy eating meat.

Excerpts From My iPhone: About Adults

This is a series about some of the notes i have written in my iphone. Most of the time i type away at my phone when i have no access to a computer and yet something comes to my mind that i have to write down. They generally are written much more quickly than regular blog posts and tend to be more emotionally charged, so expect grammar errors.

At 18 or 19, i figured out that adults were also growing and capable of making mistakes and not as infallible as i thought they were. They used to have this high and mighty place in my mind where they were always right and if you chose not to listen to them, you were either trying to be deliberately wrong or just alternative and rebellious. There was usually a consequence associated with no listening to adults. Like going to detention or failing grades.

But at some point, I figured out that they were as clueless about most things as I was, perhaps just slightly less. This realization changed many things. I became more understanding of adults as one capable of making mistakes and yet i also held this reverse view of them not "supposed" to be wrong"

Ultimately, the biggest change was that it allowed truly pointless people to exist as adults. There are remarkably  lazy, greedy, evil or otherwise pointless people who exist. And as a kid, i couldn't really comprehend them other than being this one-dimensional creature who exists solely to make life miserable for other people. Much like the boogieman, or in my context, Ah Bu Neh Neh (Indian) who would come and catch us if we disobeyed our elders by wandering outside a safe place like our homes or the 5 meter zone around our parents. Eventually i grew up and while i still had to cross paths with pointless people, i had the mental capacity to equate them as either born flawed or poor childhood. There literally was no other explanation i could give to explain why they are or who they are.

Being another adult who makes mistakes, it becomes easier to comprehend these people as people who kept continuing to make those same mistakes throughout their 20s and 30s, never really having grown up, much like myself now. And the justification i can give when someone like my father makes an irrational decision, is the same as when that asshole cuts my path and flips my off when i've done nothing.

Eventually, i will reach another milestone in my life which explain another mystery of humanity that i never knew existed. Perhaps one day i will figure out why humanity is capable of so much greed and justify it as self-preservation.

Picture concept

close up macro shot of a handcuff with a hand inside, with either the lock or the side engraved with the apple logo.

APPLE SLAVE.

yeah, im going to get the iphone 4s. yay hypocrisy

MY BOOKS ARE HERE!

I would probably be the last person to be excited about books. But the excitement surrounding these are not so much the books themselves. Funny story actually.

So I will be going to Wallaby in less than 48 hours. Last week i decided to bring some first generation entertainment to bring along. Originally i had planned to buy just one of those books but i couldn't seem to find it anywhere, considering its' not a very famous book by an American (hence, import) author. Anyway, being unable to find it, i decided to go online to Opentrolley to get it.

On the website, they were advertising a September discount where you could get books at about 10% discount and free delivery for 3 books. So i just picked 2 books that happened to catch my attention.

So with my 3 books at the shopping cart, i was wondering, and this happened over a few hours, whether i would want to spend slightly over $50 on just books. And by around 8pm, i noticed that there was a delivery info that said that it would deliver in 4-7 working days. this was sunday and i thought to myself, if i want to use this opportunity (the discount ended in a day), now would be the only time to do it. So i panicked and bought it in the end.

And the story does not end here. Those of you observant enough would notice that since i bought it on a sunday, the shop could technically deliver it to me on the next sunday, where i would already be in Australia because my flight is in the morning. Which means the reason i bought the book in the first place would result in me not having it. So i stressed about that for a good half a day.

And then i got over it.

Because i have something better to stress about. On Tuesday morning, i noticed that it was 4-7 WORKING days, working days did not include weekends. Which means i had 2 reasons to not get my books on time.

So obviously when it came, there was an immense sense of relief. btw, it came 2 hours ago.

Speaking of Wallaby, YES THAT IS A PLACE THAT I AM GOING TO AND WILL BE FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS. For those of you that still use this blog as a place to track my whereabouts (you're probably the only one.) I will be leaving tomorrow morning and coming back on the 17th October.

Also for your reference, my carry on bag. It looks bulky and weighs a lot, but that's just because I'm too lazy to pack all my things nicely. So instead, throw and squish until a vaguely bag-shaped thing appeared.

For your information, this is the only actual book i intended to get. It was recommended by a guy on the internet called John Green of the Vlogbrothers. For some reason, i felt compelled to buy this book because he was the one who chose to plug it. When the 2 of them try to sell you things, things that are either their jobs or their friends' work, i always want to buy them because they sound so sincere. It's really a good marketing strategy, even though it's not even in their business to begin with (one is an author and the other is a musician).

Also the lady on the cover looks pretty cute. I'm not going to lie, she is probably half the reason i bought this book anyway. Even though this book has no picture.

with regards to new facebook layout banner thing.

idea for picture as new banner layout thing over facebook.

take for very relaxed but pretentious pose, like the lonely island, e.g sit on giant reclining chair, like a boss. then with bold words. at the right side. with each word over each other. like angry. pretentious douchebag. at the right side.

Sidelining And Baselining

So what I do on long moments of silence where I am both alone and separated from technology is to ponder and reflect. I know that may make me sound deep but it doesn't, it's actually more of letting my mind wander on to various unconnected and seemingly random ideas and events and things, which unfortunately happen to be myself more often than not (our brain is actually more selfish than we think we are), thus, reflecting.

You may be thinking, hey you have an iphone, you could use it on the bus. To that I say, not all the time, as i get car-sick when i read on a vehicle sometimes and that stops me from doing anything other than listen to music, which for some reason takes a backseat to pondering.

I will call this activity sidelining for reasons i will explain later.

So in the past i find myself sidelining pretty often, usually in the shower or on long trips in the bus. This particular trip was from my GodGrandma's house to Mustafa Shopping Centre. But now, i find that i have much less time for that. Don't get me wrong, i'm still as alone as ever, but the number of bus trips I've been taking have sharply decreased since i only need to take them twice a week. I also used to be able to do a lot of sidelining before i slept when i was young, up to 2 hours on my bed, in the dark. But now i usually find myself tired enough to fall asleep approximately half an hour, i don't know, time is much harder to gauge lying down without my glasses.

Honestly, i find this activity to be one of the most self-destructive things that i do. Mainly because I am such a pessimist and have such a low self-esteem that most conversations with myself, which unless i'm thinking about an abstract idea, would devolve into a self-blame session. Granted, this has happened a lot less lately, but still, given a large enough amount of time doing nothing and without access to other activities that keep my hands busy, self-worth levels down pretty quickly. (quote stolen from friend)

As a direct result of this, many of my self-descriptions for interviews or biographies, i like to tell people that i want to experience life through doing and not watching (and consequently sidelining). Because it seems like a pretty reasonable goal to have. That i (and also, everyone) should take more time to do things instead of watch things.

However, if there was no sidelining, this blog wouldn't exist. Or maybe it would, in the form of, i had bee hoon for lunch today.

~~~

On a completely unrelated note, i will explain to you what is baselining.

Multiple sources have confirmed that (by logical inference) HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOESN"T EXIST.

and not for the reason you would think.

(dubious science ahead)

Our squishy human brains are designed to lower your endorphin level (happy juice) if you experience the same type of happiness over a period of time, thereby requiring you to do something that will bring about a greater level of happiness to get the same amount of satisfaction. In other words, your brain is deliberately making it harder to be happy if you are happy for too long. Granted, it works for the reverse as well, because if your too sad for long, your brain will treat that level of sadness as normal or average and thus you need less to be happy with your sad pathetic miserable life.

I'm not sure if you can guess why i call this baselining.

Happily ever after does not exist in the way humans understand it because most stories talk about it like it's an award, something to be given out when you've finished your quest or saved the princess. As happy as marrying that princess may be, you will not so much as become happily ever after, but more like happy for quite a while before this joy tapers off. But that's not catchy at all.

The only foreseeable way to remain happy is to continuously do new and different and exciting things that will bring joy from different sources and different perspective.

Also, this brings up the fact that being sad actually enhances the experience of being happy. Like i mentioned, your brain will keep your "average" low if you are sad for some time. Thus, wouldn't the joy of doing something amazingly joyful that much greater if you had lived in a state of immense sadness.

Would it be worth it?

also, unrelated note, my dog can no longer walk on his hind left leg. I still haven't gotten the details from my vet.

People Are Dumb

The Sims 3 Medieval (turns out to be a much better game than i expected) has this short intro video where out of the blue the narrator just says, People are dumb. He was talking about just watching people evolve as a society and civilization without influence, and they ended up screwing themselves.

I forgot where i was going with this.

Oh yeah,

I was thinking about the idea of leadership development in Singapore. that's a weird segue.

Anyway, I'm not sure about the system of other countries, but we as a nation seem so obsessed with bringing up leaders so much that every kid is encouraged to be one. I'm not sure if you know this, but no system in the world requires a bunch of leaders and no followers. So it makes very little sense that education doesn't really teach you to be a good one. I mean there are very obvious personality types that are not suited to be leaders and while teaching them certain things are useful, it is ultimately futile to try and get them to stand up in front of a crowd when they have nothing to contribute, unless of course your aim is to teach them how to bullshit their way through such a scenario.

To get people to lead in a situation that they have no expertise in is quite counterproductive because only a very small section of the population are prepared to do that, psychologically. I understand the business and future need for such a quality but at the age they are in, leadership seems to require a slow approach. Especially for kids who never want to talk in the first place.

I think the system stands to gain more by teaching kids to take the initiative in things they already know, or at least they are interested in. And i see the problem in that kids are interested in topics that aren't very academic, but shouldn't that be the job of the teacher. Maybe trying to spin a non-academic topic into something with some sort of a teaching point seems more useful a skill than say, powerpoint presentations. We all know we've had enough of them.

Students are less equipped to absorb what we have to say than we are to teach them what they want to learn. And I'm always interested in people who can turn something mundane into a genuinely interested thing to talk about. I've recommended Extra Creditz before in the past because while gaming is not a certified school-friendly topic, i find that they have so much more to teach us about the medium of storytelling than anything else.

And today i want to recommend someone who actually can teach you something useful. Vi Hart. Maths turned into poetry, impressive stuff. Watch her doodling in class series, that's what i'm most impressed by.

Anyway, i have a steak to get to, so i won't elaborate anymore.

Joy of Youth or The Criteria Of Sad

Since my birthday video, and possibly even before that, I've been thinking the Criteria of Sad. To explain, at what point can a person be sad about his life and not get shit about it (gossip, complains, other negative things).

But that's not what drove me to write this post. For a better part of today i was thinking about growing old, and being a senior citizen and particularly looking back and reflecting part. I wanted to ask an old person, like my god-grandma, was there an age or a period of time, where her life was the greatest. Because, in this world, some people are truly happy and they will tell you that they have never been happier. 2 cases that may be true, one, eternally optimistic, happy throughout his life, or 2 just so happen that his old age coincides with the happiest period of his life, i.e he had to suffer a lot as a youth or adult and could finally retire with relative peace and happiness.

So, naturally, being the selfish person that i am, I put myself in that shoes and thought, would i want to be that old. Because for most of my life, all I've wanted is to reach that semi-permanent state of happiness where i have a great wife and awesome children. And while I usually think of my end-state when i do reach any of my long term goal is around the late 40s or 50s. That is the age i would be when i either "win" or "lose" at life, in my imagination. So, as a result, i never really think that much about the silver age with greying hair and whatnot.

A few moments ago, i did. And it occurred to me that i don't want to grow old. Well, i pretty much assume that but i never really had a good reason besides dementia and other brain or age-related disorders. Not 10 minutes ago did i realize the most compelling reason to want to be a kid (or youth) forever. This is the only time in my life where i can wake up and not do a single thing and then go back to sleep again. This is why bachelors never want to be tied down and mentally 12 year olds never want to get a real job.

So i guess i should be happy about that fact, but I'm really not, aside for just discovering something that I hadn't before. Perhaps it would be necessary to go through the pain of doing something in order to appreciate nothingness. Like how people living in peace like to complain about boredom and other high-maintenance problems, while the people in violent conflicts just want to get out of it.

That was part one, moving on to part two, something i actually thought about for quite some time now.

The Criteria of Sad is something i came up with after going to about 3 or 4 funerals. At that point, i was pretty sure i was at the lowest point of my life. Turned out, the universe wasn't done with that. There has been a seriously ridiculous number of health and/or medical things that have struck at my extended family this past 1 1/2 to 2 years. And it has gotten to the point when my god-uncle called me, i hesitated for a while before picking up. And while i am forever thankful nothing has happened to my parents and my brother, this constant stream of bad news is very unnerving to hear. I can be talking about a certain topic in the car and all of a sudden one of them just talks about another one of my relative who went to the hospital and i would be shocked at hearing this 3-4 day old news.

And it's not just health, personally, i have been suffering a lot of blows to morale in relations to work and SAF but not only that. my friend has also suffered a major episode in his life which I obviously feel bad for him.

So it's been a bad year all around and i was thinking about whether it gave me a reason to brood and act all emo-y about it. Here' a thing about me that you may not know, I like to complain a lot on this blog and facebook and other medium but one thing i hate doing is being sad to attract attention. I would very much rather act stupid to do so. But still, acting normal or even somewhat happy when you don't feel that way takes a toll on you, and just externalizing some of the sorrow or fear or disappointment feels great.

I think about that magic point where you can in fact brood around in life where no one will give you shit. Because brooding is the emotional equivalent of letting your shoulders down after you've tensed them up. But even after going through all that, it still feels like i somehow not "qualified" to do any brooding because as far as anybody's concerned, nothing has happened to you. And just to be clear, most of the things that happened, happened to someone else, and i only feel sad because i am capable of empathy, more so than other, it would suggest.

So i never really feel comfortable telling others about something that happened to someone else, even when that someone else is related to me, because my relation with that guy, the "victim" not my friend, has never really been that close in the first place. As opposed to someone who, say his father died. That, everyone can empathize with. So it's extremely understandable that he can choose to avoid people and keep quiet.

I find it so remarkably strange that while other people in SAF and thinking about how to get more days of compassionate leave while i'm here thinking about how to be emo without people complaining.

MESSED UP PRIORTIES.

Cross-Specialization

Recently, I just realized something. i have 2 friends in camp who are essentially nerds, in other words, they have nerdy interests like gaming and computer hardware and some other stuff. I actually have more, but for this case, just the 2 of them will do. So you have these 2 "more-or-less" nerds but they do have a very distinguishing trait from other nerds.

They are very avid runners. They have essentially blended 2 very different and often times contrasting hobbies as their Main interests. In other words, if they were to have to fill out a survey or governmental form, they would have to put running beside another pretty nerdy activity like gaming. They have Cross-Specialized, a term i just borrowed from D&D

And it never really occurred to me until very recently, because these 2 activities are so far removed that they never ever come up simultaneously in the same conversation.

I think for any non-sporty person like myself, it is quite a reasonable worry that girls will be attracted to people who are generally smart and fit at the same time (of course good-looking is also somewhere in the equation). So I used to think about the fact that my "prime" would be the years immediately following either BMT training or SISPEC training because I would be the fittest and therefore most physically attractive at that time, given that my intelligence or even maturity would not fluctuate wildly.

So when it hit me that these 2 guys have actually Cross-Specialized, I got a little worried for a while, like about 2 minutes (yeah, it sounds weird to be worried about someone else being a "better catch", i know). Then I realized that both of them are actually single and more importantly, have pretty bad track records with the ladies. Granted, experience-wise, I would be the least knowledgeable about any and all Boy-Girl Relationships. But, still, observation would still suggest that while they may have successfully Cross-Specialized, they are actually not as great as others may be.

For example, both enjoy running, but neither can consistently get a Gold for IPPT 2.4km runs. In other words, they may be good but not as good as people who just mainly do that 1 activity. Also, even in the realm of intelligence or knowledge, both are actually "muggers" who work really really hard for examinations instead of just being able to absorb information quickly and apply them.

So to provide a gaming metaphor, they may have put their points into 2 different Tech Trees, but they aren't as far ahead as those who only put in one.

Disclaimer: Of course i know that there are virtually no people who do just one thing and identify their whole personality by that one thing, I just meant that even if they have different things, its usually related, like sporty people like soccer and running and basketball. Stuff like that. It's more important to show the contrast between such "clashing" activities like running and passively gaming.

You will never get this picture

Moe Little Pony by ~waiwaiwai on deviantART

Unless You're as Childish as I Am

Idolization

When it comes to music, i never really came to a point where i love a particular singer or band so much as to the point of "idolization". So i could never really "get" why my friends around me enjoy "chasing" after certain bands, especially given the rise of Taiwanese boy bands like F4 and 5566 in 2004 (?) and more recently K-Pop groups like, I don't even remember their names.

So do they dance? or sing? or something? 

 Something particular weird about this trend is that people seem to have favorites among these 12 or 13 almost identical girls, which blows my mind because i can't recognize their faces if they so much as switched positions. Here's the curious thing about me, i can never garner enough enthusiasm about a particular artist or songwriter or band because at some point, my mind would go, well, he is bound to screw up some of the times. Now, To give you a better picture, i'm not really the guy who's not into music, i actually can put songs on loop for a month or so because i love that particular song so much but yet i can bring myself to like the artist half as much. For example, some of the songs i enjoy include, Low from 2009 or 08 by T-pain and some others where, upon hearing just the first 2 or 3 seconds can hum out the rest of the tune.

But yet, i can't ever seem to give into the "fanatical" fandom that is how some of my friends are. I mean i do actually like a few artists like The Fray and B.O.B and The Lonely Island, but it will always be those same few songs that I hear instead of the artist themselves. In fact, the only album i remember buying was when i was 5 or 6 when i bought this album by this guy

Zhou Hua Jian

And even then it was still those few songs at the top, which i would get up and walk over to the stereo just to repeat them.

 So when it comes to movies and books and pretty much everything, i can never really like the artist as much as i like the work itself.

 So when Emma Watson came up with this weird fragrance commercial, i felt "obligated" to like it even though, i didn't like it as much as i think i should have.

Side note, she never speaks in this 1:45 minutes of advertisement, so that may be a root cause.

 "Too many air quotes"

Public service vs. personal vices

Tbc later when i have access to a keyboard

Have you ever had the feeling?

where you close your eyes and you feel like your mind or your brain or "you" are actually leaving your body in this convulsing manner. It's mostly centered around your head area. The closest thing I can describe to it would be like taking the roller coaster or those spinning Gravitrons, where you feel like your body is constricted by the safety mechanism but your head is just flailing around and you're using your neck muscle to hold it in place.

It's been happening every so often for the last 3 weeks. Sometimes, it feels like my brain is "sinking" into the back of my skull and my body feels higher than my mind. Sometimes, it feels like my head is being jerked forward. Sometimes, it feels like something is forcing my head to turn to the side, and my muscles are pushing against it. Most of these happen when I close my eyes and try to sleep. Sometimes, my vision encloses on itself like tunnel vision and I get disorientated for about 5 seconds, which typically happens after I've been sitting down and looking at a screen like my laptop or my phone for too long, and try to stand up after that.

I think its' mostly because of my irregular sleep pattern these few days, but it's not really as irregular as most would think. Just a few hours here and there. Sometimes it would also feel like my eyes and eyelids are on fire which is very irritating.

I always think that just by sleeping for a while I would recover. But that never seems to happen, because if i sleep in the day i would end up to energetic to sleep at night and end up playing til 12 odd before I sleep. which is quite stupid.

anyway, stupid pseudo-medical condition.

Changes

6 weeks +

Direct ferry from UK to holland, takes ~16 hours and less than $100.

UK -- London (4 days) Cambridge (2 days)
Daunt Books, London
Thorpe Park http://www.thorpepark.com/ Roller Coasters (day trip), slightly south west of London, By train. Either 40 or 22 Pounds per pax,  not sure

Italy (18 Days )

France

paris (3 days)

Louvre, Versailles

Language School viable?

Spain 12

Haro 2days (wine festival is on june 29th, NEED TO REARRANGE)

Madrid-Arcos 4-6

Barcelona-Mar Bella Beach 4

NUDE BEACH!!

http://www.kitesurfbarcelona.com/kitesurfing-lessons.html
Single kitesurfing lessons 90E per person

Ferry to italy either Civitavecchia (rome) or Genoa, nearer to Milan

Venice (5 days
Madonna Dellorio
santi giovannie paolo
scuola grande di san marco
basilica san pietro di castello
arsenale divenezza (port)
san zacca ria
santa maria deicarmini
santa maria della visitazione
squero di san trovaso
palazzo ducale di venezia
San Giacomo di Rialto
santa maria gloriosa dei frari
Torre dell'orologio
ponte rialto (bridge)
basilica di san marco !

Milan(4 days
streets
duomo
armani flagship store
some other famous flagship store
saint maria della grazie
basilica san lorenzo
galleria vittario emanuele
Apperitivo drinks

Florence(4 days
Santa maria del fiore
santa maria novella - "I was once what you are"
san lorenzo
mercato vecchio/ponte vecchio
santa croce
santa trinita
palazzo medici (palace of Medici family) !
palazzo vecchio

Rome (Vatican City)-2 days
Colosseum, pantheon
St Peter's Basilica, Sistine Chapel,
Coffee, Macchiato, Caffè Sant’Eustachio
bookabar


WE SHOULD DEFINITELY GO TO AMSTERDAM!!

Storytelling

At one point in time, I used to think my life was boring because I never really had any stories to tell. Any interesting ones anyway. That was a point in my life where i went out very little and didn't have many outgoing friends, so i simply assumed that I didn't have stories was simply because i didn't experience enough of life, and that those among my group of peers who did in fact have really interesting stories to tell either went out of their way to experience life or had life thrust upon them.

And then i went to the army. Any Singaporean who has ever been conscripted, even as a clerk would have their fair share of interesting slices of life to share. And i did. I experienced a whole lot more than i would if i had continued and went on to the university instead. If i went on studying, i would always have this mindset that life is a series of semesters where you get one piece of paper in order to qualify for the next piece of paper to eventually qualify to put something onto that paper called resume and get a job. If i never went to the army, i would never really understand that sometimes you have to reach out and grab the things that you want in life because the System is not simply going to arrange your schedule for you.

But i digress. I went to the army, and i experienced life. I had some pretty interesting things happen to me that i could probably tell other people about. But for the life of me, i still don't really have an interesting story to tell. And my army life is plenty interesting, for one thing, I almost shot my friend in the arm, with a live round. And i got to fire the only Artillery piece that can be fired in Singapore, and freaking dropped the bomb in too early. I also go tmy friends into trouble quite a few times, biggest of which getting me a nickname, which i shall not put here.

And yet, i still can't hold someone's attention long enough to tell my story. I eventually figured out my problem. I cannot tell a story in front of anyone without thinking (or planning) first.

You see, i have a friend, who happens to be my Platoon Sergeant. He has the uncanny ability to speak and hold attention even though most of what he says is not very coherent. In fact he speaks very typical Singlish and he doesn't have the type of impact one would associate with a leader when he tells stories. He is only loud when he is trying to get your attention, which he never really tries to do when he is speaking to a group of say 10 people. And yet for the life of me, i can't figure out why he is so good at commanding attention of the room.

And I've heard quite a few of his stories which are in fact really mundane when you think about it, because most of us like to talk about what happened over the weekend when we book out. At first, it seemed like lots of interesting things happened to him in particular but as time went by, his stories are really all pretty mundane. Which is very curious because he hold your attention long enough to finish telling you a boring story without you realizing its' a boring story until it is over. It is quite peculiar.

After my interview with SMU, I realized that i had a particularly average incident that happened to me during my time as a student councillor, which could be spun into a pretty cool sounding story, which would have helped my interview at that time. Unfortunately, i only realized at the end. Instead I chose to go with one (during the actual interview) that had particular emotional value to me and to us at that time, and because i had such poor storytelling skills, i fudged up the story to the point where i couldn't really figure out what my point was.

If I do have such poor storytelling skills, I sincerely question any of you would really reach this sentence without skipping a few paragraphs.

Colourblind

I watched a funny short video about a guy who couldn't play Puzzle Quest (a game) because he was colourblind. He lacked the ability to process certain colours in his brain.

which got me thinking.

Colourblindness is essentially a group of people who cannot perceive a certain quality that everyone else takes as part and parcel of nature and the universe. But the funny thing is, colour doesn't exist as what we think it is. On a Subatomic level (or something like that, my physics is quite fuzzy), colour is merely a certain wavelength of electromagnetic radiation. In other words, it is just a vibration of a thing. Likewise, so is sound, albeit vibrations of another thing. These vibrations have no meaning until it enters our brains (not exactly the way you think but ok) where it manifests itself as an image. So our brains are the only thing that make any of these meaningful in anyway.

So for something other than a human, i.e a dog, he would not be able to perceive colour. But it wouldn't matter to him because all dogs cannot perceive colour. So if a dog were to "speak" to another dog, he wouldn't say something like "hey, check out the tasty brown steak" because colour doesn't exist in their minds.

Colourblindness is merely a disability whereby others can see what you cannot. What if inherently, inside everyone except you they could perhaps taste a certain flavor of ice cream but you couldn't. It would perhaps be disappointing but it wouldn't really strongly affect anyone in any way.

What if it was something with a much greater impact such as the ability to "smell" radiation gas which could poison you. That would really means something in a nuclear winter type world.

What if aliens came down and perhaps they could see all of the spectrum of EMR. Would we be disabled then? because all along this spectrum existed and we, by nature or our body and mind, are unable to perceive them and yet theses alien beings are. Would we really be disabled for not having something that we have lived without for the most of our history?

The Process of Learning Everything

There is this simple "journey" that everyone goes through when they learn something new. If it were a graph, the difficulty of mastering anything would become exponentially harder as you pick up more and more little "tricks".

I like to break it down to 3 simple stages that everyone goes through.

When you first start to pick up any skill, assuming you have any sort of interest in it at all, certain "big" basics you will pick up relatively quickly compared to anyone else. For example, when you learn guitar, there's the 3 simple chords and voila cool sounding songs. If you learn pool, you pick up how to hit the ball in a semi-straight line and hit another ball. To put it in a nutshell, as soon as you finish picking up about 70% of the basics, you can pull off some pretty impressive tricks, of course to an outsider.

This stage feels the greatest because you feel like at this rate, you can master the game in a few more months. Mastering what seems like a very big part of the game or sport or hobby, is an immense morale booster.

Then we come to the intermediate stage. This is where you pick up the really small nuances that will polish you ability that much more. BUT, it is going to take up a lot of time and a heck of a lot of disappointment. The reason is because the only way you can go through and find out what you don't know, is to do it over and over again and by accident, come up with a certain way or tactic of doing it that makes it easier. And people can never really teach you these things because its more of a problem of you than a problem of the activity. If you were learning a martial art, a certain stance or twist of the muscle will improve your ability that little bit, but your sensei couldn't teach you that unless he is observing you extremely closely, or he is very professional.

This is the stage most people quit because to go through this much repetition without seeing as visible an improvement as the beginner stage puts a dampener on you. Something I came across puts this totally into perspective, and even cooler, it's in video AND image form.

Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

And then you go to the advanced stage. Now by this time the disinterested would have already dropped it, or at least stopped really trying to get better. This is really for Olympic athletes and the like. At this point, you're just going thru the motions to become what is essentially a machine at what you do, reduce mistakes. Like swimming for example, or tennis, where the winner is the last to make a mistake. It is incredibly difficulty to even reach this stage, but some do, and people who do are running on pretty much their passion. Which means, I probably will never reach this for anything because I have never felt passion, like ever.

So there you have it, just know that when things start getting tough, it just means you made it over the beginner stage and actually making some kind of progress.