I wasn't sure if it was the 2 hours of lying on the bed, or just hall-related anxiousness, but I started to think about my life. About those that made me who I am today.
And I find it quite hard to run away from my past in NPCC. In fact, it wouldn't be an unfair comment to say that everything I know today, everything that I am today is a result of those 4 years and the very impressive people who taught me what it meant to be a leader. Because even now, when I look at my achievements, and by extension, my failures, I see the unmistakable touch they had in my life, even 10+ years on. There were 4 people who impacted my life the most, because they ultimately shaped the idea of what a leader should be. Even after so many years, and so many other experiences in JC, army and Uni, I still see them as the example I want to follow. I still think back to the words that they said and the actions that they took to guide me now.
I will always remember these stories, as a testament to how impressive they were. Maybe the words I'm about to write will not do the same for you, but being there did it for me. And it's always the small things that matter in the end, not the grand gesture or speeches on the podium, it's always the little things.
~You can always tell who is amazing at holding attention. We were at a captain's ball game outside of school and we were losing, even though we were one of the hot favourites. Half-time. Joey calls everyone around him, even though he was just there as a visitor. Supposedly he had some other duty at some game station but just came by to watch. Anyway, he's there when nobody expects, and he just asks everyone to squeeze around him. He doesn't talk very loudly, not the way he normally does anyway, but you can see everyone around just listening to him intently. He's not a very tall guy, but even the tallest bends down to listen, sweat dripping of his brow. That's what commanding respect looks like. You don't need the voice or the gesture or any other gimmick if you have their attention, their respect.
~There was this once when we were nearing the end of sec 3. And it was a normal weekly training, not some camp or whatever. The officers and senior NCOs pulled the entire cohort to a classroom, where the tables and chairs were already moved to the side. We all sat on the ground, the lights were off and the windows were closed. So even though it was still day time, there was only little light shining through whichever window panel was already missing. Joey sat on the table with legs swinging off the ground, while the other seniors just sorted themselves around us, not really doing anything except wait. I particularly remember Jia Hao closing the door and standing beside it with arms folded, as if to stop any of us from leaving. Then Joey spoke, "I'm going to address each and everyone of you all individually. So what I say to your squadmate beside you may not make sense to you. Everything I say or any of the others say will not leave this room." We've never had this kind of conversations before so it didn't really register in my head and he sounded off to each individual, one by one, starting from the back. Then it came to my turn and he said, "Shi Li Pai was never meant to separate you from the others, it was something we said to encourage them." The confusion of contextless information you are experiencing right now is the same as what I had experienced there on the spot. I was just so stunned that he moved on to the next individual. The reason I was shocked was because I never expected him or anyone to take notice of my passing remark, anyone to perhaps read my stupid blog. I was a nobody and I didn't expect anyone to pay attention. I was half-expecting him to say things like "you need to buck up and stand out more", more general stuff, not a remark like this. But what he said cut at the heart of how I felt exactly in my squad, that I wasn't one of the shi li pai. The very fact that someone outside my social circle, a superior to say the least, acknowledge my own insecurities meant a lot to me, even if I didn't know it at the time. That's why I cannot forget this story. Because he taught me to always take care of your guys, and that includes the little things, because they are a marker of much bigger things.
I don't even remember how I reacted after that. I think I was just too stunned to say anything
~I've always been a late bloomer back then. In a world where it is typical to leave school as a Staff Sergeant, second only to a Senior Inspector (but the whole school only can have 2), I have never even worn my Sergeant rank officially. And I remember exactly why that is because while I was technically promoted in sec 4, but I never had the chance to wear that during a parade, and never had a proper "promotion" parade, since my promotion came in the middle of nowhere. So I wasn't ever in a hurry to get the rank from Beach Rd anyway. And the reason I remember what my final rank was is because I had a friend help me buy it when she was passing by, because one of the more "show-face" type of parade was coming up and I wanted to wear it for the first time. Sure enough, I did the parade without it, and then after that, my friend say paiseh to me and pass me the rank from her pocket.
10+ years on and I still see myself unable to reach that "level", that "standard", that "shi li pai" that they were so many years ago. And I'm deeply ashamed, that after so many years, I still couldn't match up to, in other people's eyes, a standard that was on par with them all those years ago.
Sometimes, even today, I wish I could go back and ask them for advice for today's problems. For once, perhaps because nobody is left, I am given leadership positions. Something I struggle with internally because it feels like I don't have the right person to look up to today and ask for help.
But regardless,
I want to thank Joey, Jocelyn, Jia Hao and Hui Ying for showing me what leaders are supposed to be.
"I would rather have 10 people with the right attitude, than 40 who don't"
