i just realized

i haven't felt happy in a really long time.

i mean i have laughed on many different occasions throughout this period of time, but i haven't felt like walking around my house like i used to and just be satisfied with everything as it is, like i used to. and that level of happy isn't even the highest level of happy that exists. that's like just a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. and even that i haven't felt in a long time.

maybe its' because i haven't felt like i'm doing anything positive in the world, or i'm not making any progress or something. everything just feels like a blur with the past being over too fast and the future being to slow to reach me.

or maybe its' just this perpetual level of shagness i keep feeling. there is just this tendency to sigh at everything. sigh at the computer, sigh at the dog, sigh at the clock, sigh at everything.

i wonder what drives people to smoke or drink or go on one night stands. i mean most people do it because it has become a habit to them. they are just used to lighting a cigarette everytime they are not doing anything or going to a club to grind every midnight. but its more interesting to see how they start. i mean people don't do things for no reasons. there has to be this compelling reason for them to do such a thing that they have never done before as well as a trigger, a strong push when you're already near the edge. so the interesting thing is under what circumstances do they get that, both the nearing of the edge and the big push. i think 90% of people already have something they hate in their lives, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you. a person could be worrying about his test scores while another just had his breakup, its' all pretty compelling reason to feel sad about your life, but depending on who you are it may not affect you just as severely. but more interestingly, where do they get that big push? is it when they are surrounded by friends who are just as intoxicated, or when they just feel so overwhelmed by all that emotion they just pick up the nearest stress reliever (or so they think) and do it.

i don't know

i just realised the last time i felt happy was when i was in tekong. when everyone else around me was sad. maybe i'm a sadist that way. but i felt happy waking up in the morning and knowing that i am going to train to become a better person and a better soldier. and i felt even happier during my parade when i finally "graduated" and my parents were there to see me.

and then after that, everything became pretty much meaningless. i haven't consoled in a friend in so long, it just feels so difficult. there never feels like there is a right time for this kind of thing, but yet you still know that there are things you have to get off your chest even if you can't phrase them in words and sentences. so many times of the day, i feel like my friends are all moving off without me, and it feels lonely, even though they are just standing there beside me. isn't it strange to feel lonely in a crowd of friends? and for the record, i think my friends are the greatest in the world, i just don't know how to reciprocate them.

maybe this feeling isn't sadness, maybe its' loneliness.

some things

i wish i had a baseball bat

----

Joy is watching your friend smile because he earned something and he knows it
Sorrow is watching your father not being able to compose himself everytime he thinks about his mother
Envy is watching your friends become a couple and wishing you could have the same
Pride is watching your students get something he worked hard for
Regret is watching your father tell you about the stories you wish your knew earlier
Happiness is looking at your family and knowing that there can never be a substitute
Contentment is not caring who is looking

I wished I watched less and did more.

----

Emma Watson cut her hair a few days ago. it takes some time to get used to. the weird thing is that every time i see her i get used to this demure, high class, elegant girl and woman because everything she does feels like things have been thought over, and also its always very comfortable to see her do certain things like speaking in a certain way that makes her feel girlish and just very cute and yet when you see her cut such a short pixie cut, immediate things come to mind like the singer pink and other punk-like girls out there. so its kind of weird to see her personality come off in such a drastically different look. but i doubt she will change much, or at least sincerely hope she doesn't change her tune and voice and personality and everything that i love about her. also, i have been given pink a lot less credit than she deserves, seeing as she does many not only humanitarian things but also does not "rebel" for the sake of doing so, much like most "rebels" nowadays.

----

i have been doing a lot of thinking lately since my grandmother's death. thinking about my own funeral in the hopefully distant future. thinking about how i would react if the people closest to me would go one day. thinking about the idea of forever. during her funeral, there was a part where we had to throw coins into a small bucket of water and try and get her to "cross the bridge". after we did that, the priest/ religious person would go up on the small stand and chant certain hymns.as he reached a certain part in the hymn, suddenly a lot of people would start crying and i didn't understand at first because he was speaking in dialect. later i found out that the "hymn" or so i thought was actually the priest addressing the mourners, telling us to live our lives to the fullest and do more charity work and stay healthy for the sake of each other and that would have been what she would have wanted. the part where people cried the hardest was actually about him saying that she is gone from our lives forever and we will never see her again until it was our turn. my aunt was so shook up by this she started muttering to herself in the middle of the night when we were doing work for the next day.

so i started thinking about the idea of forever, the fact that from now on when we go to her house , we will never shout Ah Ma from outside the door like we've been doing the past 19 years, the fact that my father and my aunts and all their siblings will no longer have their parents around to talk to them, the fact that my cousins will never hear from her to go study ever again. and it pains me so much. i felt like i never fully coped with her death and even more scarily that i am already so shook up when i never even fully appreciated her when she was around , how would i react when the ones closest to me go.

My cousin also said something to me that shook me up throughout the whole funeral. he was buring the incense paper when he started to talk to himself. he said :"i just realized that i never told her i love her" and that is going to be a regret that he has to live with for the rest of his life.

i don't ever want to have a regret like that.

----

i also have been thinking about what i would want my funeral to be like. i've actually been thinking about since i was in secondary school but i never got it penned down. firstly, money issues, a quarter will go to my parents, a quarter will go to my god grandparents. a quarter will go to my brother along with any worldly possessions that i may still have. 10% will go to charity, either an orphanage or the international red cross or the salvation army, that is for any of my surviving relatives to decide. 10% will go to my school, SRJC and HIHS, generally with more going to the jc. the last 5% will be given or donated to whomever needs it the most, as deemed by my surviving relatives. should any of my relatives pass before me, the money will go in this order, my brother, my parents, my god grandparents and their family.

as for the funeral itself, nothing overly religious, just maybe a small joss stick bin and some incense paper for the more conservative minded who still wish to pray for me. other than that, i want joyous band music to be played around the place and also framed pictures of words from famous people put up on the walls. either quotes from famous people, or things i said myself. i also want people to have paper to write what they would have wanted to say to me which will be put together with me and cremated. i also believe in no loose ends, so if anything is not finished by the time of my death or any issues or remarks not said, hopefully this will be the channel to do so.


----

change is getting more and more burdensome

To the family of the grieving, today is the day a beloved mother and grandmother passed away

To everyone else, it's just another thursday.

sometimes you don't really know a person until you've heard her stories
i never got the chance until today
she left and i never knew what kind of person she was
the only thing i knew was that i didn't like her and i didn't know why
"when you die, everybody loves you"
today i found out what kind of person she was
and i realise that's the kind of person i have been trying to be all this while
and to think i wouldn't have known that had she not passed away
i don't know what to think of myself
and i don't know what to think anymore

I am a Specialist of the Singapore Armed Forces

With Pride, I Lead

Got Food, I Eat

Got Time, I Sleep

Got Mission, I Report Sick

----

Shag Cannot Think.

this bag

This bag holds a laptop and a gun

you're welcome

pool table

ive been thinking about buying a pool table since i was in sec 4

i still want to

unfortunately, my house, despite its sheer size, is still considered too small for a pool table, which is disappointing

i checked on some guides online and the recommended size for a room is as follows

for a 9ft table (tournament size, and my preferred choice), 18ft 4 by 14ft 2
for a 8ft table, 17ft 4 by 13ft 8

for those of you like myself who can't convert imperial to metric units, here's a pretty handy guide.


Here's my living room from another view


another quick conversion guide from my measuring tape is that 16 ft is about 4-6 cm shorter than 5m


for those of you observant enough, may notice that my living room has a rather perculiar pillar/wall/support structure rising out from the left corner of it. yeah, that's the part that's screwing up my calculations.

so technically, my living room can be extended significantly lengthwise, but not widthwise, also my tv and sofa is going to be there so there has to be enough room to put the sofa there to watch the tv.

anyway, i'm predicting that there will be a high likely hood that i may have to stand on my sofa to hit the white ball when it's near the corner, which to me is quite ok and more fun actually, since i'm usually the one laughing the loudest at any pool hall, but my guests may think otherwise.

there's a particularly cool pool table that i have my eye set on

it's the Fusion table by Aramith. Looks very classy and elegant and doubles as a dining table complete with matching chairs

unfortunately, it's priced at 6500 per unit and is only a 7ft table.



my living room is 15ft by 13ft 9 inches from before the pillar, which means, the length can be extended but the width will have to be sacrificed.

my dining room is 13ft by 11-12 ft, which at first i thought would be enough for my table.

so, the only thing i can do now is to wait til i get my own bachelor pad before i can get my own pool table. hopefully, when and if i stay overseas for a long enough period, land and pool table prices will drop

Autopilot

you will never know what it's like to wake up at 4.30 am and sleep at 5 the next morning, only to wake up at 6 am, to change out of your uniform and prepare to carry your bags outside the gate.

and you will also never know how it feels to wake up on a friday, thinking it was a sunday, only to realize minutes later that you still have 2 more days to relax before doing everything all over again.

_____


everytime i get to hold a gun, i get a rude reminder that life is not like the movies, that i can't run into a building full of bad guys with nothing but a trusted gun and a badass attitude.

you know how the universe likes to remind me, by making me wear my LBV and doing basically anything, including being on high alert, where you must, MUST bend your back forward like some cripple trying to speak to someone much taller.

i read somewhere in an article about driving that, people actually go into autopilot mode when they drive after some time, because they think they are already above average drivers. you only truly understand how dangerous that is the next time you try to slice a tomato in autopilot mode, essentially your whole mind zones out and you go into your own little world while your body carries on doing the same action over and over again. Autopilot in itself is not dangerous, when you're maybe doing homework or running from one place to another, but when you put the lives of other people into that equation, a reaction that is just simply one second slower can cause numerous losses of lives.

and why am i talking about autopilot mode, scientists say that people slip into this is because human beings weren't designed to do mundane tasks. everytime you do something new, your brain absorbs all the new information and as a result become sharper and more alert. on the other hand, doing something repetitive creates boredom and causes your brain to focus on other non-old things, turning your attention away from what needs your attention most, the old lady crossing the street.

so i talk about this autopilot mode because i want to illustrate the sheer redundancy of certain military activities. while i'm glad we no longer need to clean our own plates after meals because that has already been outsourced, there are still so many activities that remain pointless and redundant and often, the excuse of "maintain discipline" and "conditioning" is often used.


actually i'm just pissed the haven't invented a car-wash-like machine to clean our rifles.

i hate cleaning rifes.

___


also, people other than sam have not yet responded to my idea, i needed to call al, before she "approved" anything. so yeah there's that, nobody else seems to remotely use their emails.

last bookout felt like labour day, so everytime i see my watch and see that its already 20 something of may, i get shocked. repeatedly.

little time

within this short span of 12-ish hours. i must

pay off sleep debt for the past 25-ish hours of waiting for live firing with micro naps in between

try and get as healthy as possible after being out in the rain for 1.5 hours and before tekong field camp

choose what to appeal for and what to accept for uni

prepare my clothes and make sure they are dry and relatively clean, which is dirty by most civilian standards

and have a good enough lunch and dinner so i wont crave anything during 4 days outfield, even though i still will.

---

anyway, planning to accept architecture from NUS and trying to appeal for either aerospace eng or psychology. haven't really decided which yet. probably going to put aerospace this year and if i fail, go for it again nxt year with psych as 2nd choice.

also, the srjc sc investiture is on july 20th, so if any past councillors read this, try and make it there, anyway, we should try and keep a close connection with the school and our old teachers who helped us out so much, it would only be unreasonable to forget them once we leave school.

i'm trying to write an email (just like old times) to convince as many people to go as possible and if even better, go there a few days earlier to give them some tips and advice on what their next 2 years will be like. something like a presentation and open table kind of thing. i don't think mrs tay would have any objections so i think the hardest thing to do is to convince ex-councilors can make it

anyway, unusally optimistic about helping out others. the lack of sleep must be doing something to me.

so umm yeah

(btw i can't rotate them properly)

so umm i kind of got into architecture. i got the letter on 12th while i was away for field camp, my dad sent me the sms.

some of you guys may know that i wasn't selected for the interview. i actually thought i sucked too hard at the aptitude test itself. because i did suck. all i did was take the cardboard, fold into 3 parts and then fold up into a pyramid prism thing. so yeah, i did what a kindergartener would have done, and i got in WITHOUT an interview. seriously wtf school of architecture. oh yeah i cut a hole at the top so i guess that separates me from the rest, i guess????

if u were there at the exam hall, you would see throughout the entire hall was filled with much better peices of work than mine, i was just like, better start preparing for the next choice.


oh and i also got the letter from ntu, which accepted me into mechanical engineering, which honestly sounds like a better choice for me now. i don't know.

my priorty now is still to become an air force officer first and foremost, if that can be done, i wouldn't need to get into architecture.

also, at the college day thing, i told some of my teachers how i flunked my test in architecture. so they proceeded to tell me bad stuff about architecture like its going to take quite a long time of studying before you can become an architect and stuff like that, which was ironically left out when i asked them for advice. this goes to show, people like to tell you what they think you like to hear. so if you want to know what they really feel, tell them the opposite, like if you're marrying this particular girl, tell them you're breaking up so they will give you their honest feedback.

also, just came back from field camp with possibly throat infection because my throats going out and i have coughing

fate would have it

yesterday my father told me his friend just went down yesterday and made specs with him, turns out he's now the CO of bmtc school 2. in other words, according to him, he could have written a letter of recommendation to send me to OCS and subsequently, go to air force. BUT he was 1 month too late cuz posting come out liao. and you know what's the funniest part, he actually went down 1 month ago to collect contact lenses, but fate just had it that they didn't talk about the army.

i thought about it for five minutes later and as much as i hate to admit it, if i could not go to OCS on my own accord, then it would be rather meaningless for me to be transferred there because of somebody's letter. in other words, i would forever doubt myself for not having the ability to go there on my own.

but then again, I COULD HAVE BECOME AN AIR FORCE OFFICER!!!

Edit: I finally posted this on 15/02/12

yesterday

finally booked out of sispec, or as it is now called scs. damn bloody far, at least can book in at night nt so bad.

so far, everybody is fitter than me, so crossing over is going to be harder than i thought.

yesterday, went to school to get some prize. in SR, it's a pretty big honor to be invited back on college day to receive a prize. in my bunk, it's a prize half of those who did A levels would get.

it's ironic, because when you're in the school, people getting one or 2 or 3 As would be screaming their heads off and getting congratulated left right center. but when you go out into the working world, you'll be competing with people who upon receiving scores like you would break down on the spot. just look at the Uni application crowd, one look across the board, in this case using my bunk as a representative of the A levels students, and you know that the score you're getting, however happy you may be to get it, is only average. so in SR, peope get overwhelmingly excited to get what is only an average mark outside.

i'm not bashing SR, the school that has given me so much and yet i keep forgetting to donate to the endowment fund every time i go. i actually drew extra money from the atm before i went so i could donate, but bloody hell, forgot again.

many times i think i have taken too much from the school and given back too little. sometimes, i think about going back to help them out before A levels, but always gt NS. often, i think about going about and giving a speech about how to prepare better for A levels. occasionally, i think about speaking to the next batch of councilors because we didn't get much face time with the ones directly taking over from us.

what i'm trying to say is that, i'm proud to have been from SRJC, because when i go to serve my nation, i see a lot of scholar retards, a lot of those got brain dunno how to use, and then i really appreciate the opportunities that my school, both SRJC and HIHS NPCC, gave me to lead, then i really understand what it's like to talk to people who don't really listen.

i'm proud to say that we were the batch who pushed the PW As from 7% to almost 70%, that we were the ones who pushed mean A levels from 65 to 70 points. But above all, i'm most proud to say that although we won during the Nike Human Race, we were the only ones who stayed back to pick up rubbish, because this is the kind of thing that you don't learn in the classroom, this is the kind of thing you pick up from the atmosphere, the culture, the seniors and the teachers around you, and this is the kind of thing that makes you stand out from the Raffles, Hwa Chong, Saint Andrews crowd in the world.

Al was the valedictorian for our batch, which was unsurprising. her speech was long but it was still interesting. it's quite surprising that she got such a low score for her psle, but it's just like her to work so hard to become valedictorian. she should become a teacher, totally.

i've been on this computer writing this post on and off for the past few hours, checking out youtube and facebook in the meantime, so i can't really remember what i wanted to say at first. so that's it for now.

and about the things i said at the start. i'm still really proud of Srjc, and if you're from there, don't be offended, and if you're not, don't get the wrong idea, it's still easily the best school with the best teachers and the best culture. easily the best teachers

POP LO!

POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
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POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP
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POPOPOPOP
POPOPOPOP LO

last week

last week i went to dental

got 2 fillings for my 2 front teeth, which hurt like hell cuz she (the dentist) needed drill so everytime i had to gargle, i could feel with my tongue, a hole in my 2 front teeth, like an apple after you take a bite out of it.

went to find hihs teachers, but they had stupid sports day so most of the teachers were gone according to the security guard, and it started to drizzle so i needed to get out of there fast, so i ran to the bus stop, and went to srjc. talked to a few friends who were still there and also some teachers. most complimented how much i slimmed down, which felt good. it really did. i'm not a vain person, no really i'm not, but it feels good for other people to compliment you.

anyway, talked to a few past teachers, most of them were rushing around to do their stuff and pack up and i just followed some of them around and talked as they walked. i talked to Mrs jerene tay about my appraisal and also some council stuff, went to see the 22nd council do teach the 23rd elects, which is really interesting, because they sounded quite like how sam and the others sounded last year. also saw some of the elects practice, i would have said something, but mrs tay talked about some girl "invading" the orientation and i decided to shut up to not embarass myself.

also talked to ms ni. went to her office to talk about stuff, generally stuff about school, also asked her about me, improvements and stuff. quite interesting to hear teachers talk about students when they're in the office. can't really say much of it here. but we did talk about my GP, even though i don't really ever need to use GP specific skills again.

that saturday i went out with hao xiang. it's been a long time since i saw one of those i used to call brothers. 3 years. too long. still had a great time after so long. still had a lot of laughs. didn't really do anything much. spent a lot of time walking around and queueing up, but it was still really fun. we waited for half hour before eating at suki sushi buffet. we tried to compete with each other to see who can eat the most. by plate number 14, i couldn't take it anymore, and he forced down one more plate just to beat me. we ended up laughing at each other and causing our stomach to hurt like hell because we laughed too hard. it was damn funny. we also played pool, which was fun. i miss pool.

it was a great weekend last week, i doubt this week would be as fun. heck, i doubt my whole block leave would be as fun as that weekend

i is sad today

typically i get sad for a bunch of reasons. usually they're kind of obvious, like House not having a new episode this week, or FF13 not coming out in english in singapore.

but today is different, for some reason. i can't exactly pinpoint where and why i am so sad, or rather why i'm so not happy.

but i can tell you how this sad day started. it didn't even start today. yesterday at 2345 some person called me on a landline, i.e not a handphone, a 6xxxxxxx number. then the woman on the other line told me that she was from the air force recruitment and that i was no longer eligible for UAV and Air warfare officer, 2 out of 4 vocations which i applied for. first things first, i was 90% asleep during the phone call so i couldn't really make out much of it, just that i needn't go to some talk on saturday at cmpb which is difficult as hell to go.

then comes 2 problems. first thing it was april fools' day and it was close to midnight. no government agency calls near midnight, ever, or we would have the most efficient public service sector, so i thought to myself hey maybe it was a joke. second is that. since those 2 are actually the easier of the 2 vocations i'm applying for, then what about my other vocations, which is pilot and weapons officer, both of which are significantly harder to get into because they actually require flying. if i'm not even eligible for the easier ones, what chance do i have with the harder ones.

so i decide to call the hotline in the morning, i tried calling from 830 all the way to 10 before remembering it was good friday and no government agency would be working. fuck.

then my grandparents came to do some praying and burning incense paper. they do this every year because good friday is near the sao mu festival and my grandfather's ashes or something are in my house, for some reason, since my father is not the eldest son.

and my sore throat is still there since i caught "something" from my father. he has since healed but i still ave cough and sore throat for 3 weeks now. with the occasional headache and flu on and off throughout this period, i think it's pressure building up in my sinuses, but i don't know what causes it. i actually went to the MO in tekong about this and he made me wait 4 hours in the friggin waiting room for both my x ray and his diagnosis, only to tell me that its' better for me to see an outside doctor. WTF. on bookout day no less.

anyway, that 4 hours got me "kicked" out of drills squad. i was put on reserve team for missing the one session that i couldn't attend, the same day they needed to get "volunteers" who actually don't want to be in at all. nice

and then back to today, i got so tired after my lunch/breakfast of 2 paos, i fell asleep on 2 wheely chairs in front of the computer after i lost my connection, and i slept from 130 to 5 or 6. and waking up didn't feel as good as it should be.

during my internet time, i tried to find out more about the air force pilot selection process. and what i found was just a load of absolutely not helpful at all things. worst of which is that i need to get into OCS first before i can get into the air force, contradicting what the guys who brought us to the compass test and aeromedical centre told us, which was that we would be put into flying experience program before we went to australia for air grading.

i had to think about OCS. because i really really want to go, but i don't think i had done enough in the commanders' or even my own section mates' eyes to deserve a place there. so with that considered, i'm quite sad. someone told me that a PC said only about 70 per company would be going to command school, meaning roughly 25 to OCS and 50 to sispec. i have to be in the top 25 in my coy to get in the first place, and my ippt is just a pass and my soc is chui like hell.

I'm just really tired


also sick, feel my sinus building pressure again

How to Overcomplicate your life

Step 1: Have x number of choices where x is a positive integer and 0 < x < 2

why not having only ONE choice is bad: basically out of every single course in every single university, i have managed to isolate my preferred choices down to 3, Architecture, Engineering, Psychology (in FASS). This doesn't look complicated until you add in Step 2

Step 2: Get External Opinion

Why other people's opinion is bad: when you think about it, getting advice and suggestions from others should be a good thing, that way you get different points of views and a broader perspective. isn't that how democracy was born (Note: it probably isn't) It does sound good, until these points of view clash with one another or even your own.

All my life i've been thinking i was a science person. that's the way my brain functions, when i look at a situation, i figure out how it came to be at this state, how something may or may not happen due to the current "forces" at work, not how people should have been more tactful so as to not hurt his feelings.

den my results come out as my science subjects being the worst, which is actually pretty normal considering most of my other papers. den i ask for advice from other people, teachers friends seniors etc, and they say i'm more of a language and arts person, den immediately and i say immediately because i actually saw this in the middle of the jungle under a basha (tent) and said WTF out loud. i asked even more people and they gave me the same response, so now i'm screwed because on one hand i don't doubt that they may be right, and yet i also cannot let go of the fact that i'm really not much of a science person.

but of course all this is nothing compared to if you did Step 3

Step 3: Future Prospects

future prospects adds in 2 elements of chaos that would drive any manger insane, the unguaranteed possibility of a great "payout", in the form of a secure job or paid fees via scholarships, as well as the fact that getting one is going to screw up something else that you've already been working for.

In Tekong, I expressed interest in signing on in the airforce as either a pilot or an officer who controls big guns. Don't sound off any alarms yet, it's just interest, i haven't signed any contract or any thing yet, they need to evaluate my capabilities before they make the decision. and besides there's a 90% chance that i will not become a pilot, not because i suck that hard, it's just the "rejection" rate of applicants.

the good thing about signing on is that it fulfills one of my 2 criteria for a job, it cannot be an office job. the other thing is that i can apply for the saf scholarships which would lift a huge burden off my parents.

unfortunately, that also means that i can only take either engineering or psychology degrees. which would be bad if i already accepted to architecture course by then.

that also means i have a hard time applying for scholarships that apply to architecture or even other courses should i be accepted to the university itself

and that's not even considering overseas universities.

headache.

According To My Mother

My studying habits haven't changed since I was in primary school.

in fact she was prepared to guilt trip me and "talk" about my habits, or in her words' "let me bang my head on the wall so i know how it feels."

more essentially, she has been doing that since i was doing my psle.

thats friggin 6 years ago. and she's been preparing after every major exam

woah. i think i just used up all my luck juice for the next 10 years

post a level/field camp celebration

some of the platoon mates got together 10 plus people to go to supperclub, which surprisingly, isn't for supper.

met about 4 of them at 9.30 at city hall more of them stream in. got in at around 11 plus, they bought 2 vodkas and 1 johnny walker whiskey.

it cost 1 person roughly $50 to get in and drink that shit, and most people only got 6 cups, which is the suck.

so the first real drink i get, they got me to down vodka half full cup with some mixers.

by the 4th, i felt warm out of breath and still i didn't feel high. clearly something was wrong

my last cup was the whiskey, and still i didn't feel high yet. the dancefloor started filling up, and our pc shravan came at that time so we started to dance, it started to get crowded and got a weird ah quai started to dance near us and moving around.

i only managed to dance for around 1 hour before i had to bail. took a cab home and ended vomitting on his cab, my pants, shoes and my wallet, and only 5 minutes from my house. i ended up giving the cabbie all the money i had, which is like $19 and a us 5 dollar bill.

so to sum it all up, i drank vodka for my first night, which is a bad idea according to my mother, i didn't get high, and i vomitted.

so for anyone who wants to do me a favor, do not invite me to a club

i am not a club person

i just did it for the experience.

Hello, Happy New Year

This is what i said to every teacher i met yesterday, along with merry christmas and gong xi fa cai


Got back A level Results today, like everybody i was scared, but bo bian, cuz i want to act man, so cannot act out. so the principal started giving his talk about how some subjects have a certain percentages of passes and A+Bs, which for some reason everybody cheered, even though it had no meaning per se, i.e comparing with last year's results or predicted MSG.

but the one thing that was very impressive was the fact that people with a minimum 3 H2, GP and H1 Content Subject Passes, increased by 10% from 63% to 73%, which is incredibly amazing considering the kind of people that come here and what he's has done with the school and students themselves during a short span of 2 years.

another thing impressive was that 2s10 is in the top classes with an average msg of 76 or 79, i can't really remember, 76 is the more likelier choice. this is the only point i started cheering

so the principal started going through names of 80 pointers and above. Edmund's name was on the second page, but his score was easily predicted, since he tops the school regularly. Then came a few people i knew but didn't really care about, then came Tricia's name, which also wasn't a big surprise, cuz her L1R5 meant she should have been in a different school. then as soon as the next page came theodora's name, where everbody was just as stunned as her to see her name, but still congratulations on job well done. Xiying's name also came up on the screen and i was quite stunned she did better than edmund

for the next part it may be a little difficult to explain on paper, on the 7th-ish page was wei hin's name which was the second from the bottom, so i lagged a bit cuz him and i were sitting beside each other and sitting down at a corner, with a bad angle at the screen. so i saw everybody started turning around to cheer and congratulate wei hin, i just looked up and scanned the page for his name and score and i also turned around and did the same. but then i glanced something familiar at the screen below his name, i saw sim, then i open my eyes big big, i saw bing then i open my eyes even bigger i saw han, so i sit up very straight to find my english name glennard, i wanted to throw my hands up in the air at that moment, but i made sure it was me first, so i looked at the cca and it was the student council. i did a fist pump and let my back slowly return back to the floor before putting my hand on my heart and trying to slow it down. along the way i can hear people congratulating me, including wen hui turning around and saying wah lau. then after me came people like wen jie who cried like crazy and Al who got the top among the council, and samuel and sam for getting special mentions, both for different reasons.

later went to the concourse to actually get the paper, waited for a few people to get their paper, when my turn came, ms Guo said this to me: "you really surprised a lot of people with your results." Awesomesauce. my results breakdown is GP A, H2 Math and Econs A and H2 Physics and H1 Chem C. so i got ACAAC, pronounced A-kak.

saw a few of my friends, they both did relatively well, enough to get into local university. when to find some teachers to thank them, like Ms Ni and Ms R and Ms Guo and Mrs Lim. Mrs Lim in particular told me how you get A 1 ar, damn surprising you know. i wanted to find my council teachers but i couldn't find them and i was running out of time cuz my dad was waiting at the gate. so i have to go next time.

this is the more in depth breakdown of my grades. i have both of my sciences getting C while my Econs and GP got A, which is going to be a problem if i apply to engineering, but considering the type of people they allow in, i shouldn't have too much competition, except for maybe aerospace engineering. surprisingly, my grades are actually quite suited for FASS, but my father is incredibly against it because it doesn't have much of a future in singapore. but if i were to somehow get into fass, the only thing that appeals to me both intellectually and job wise, would be psychology, which by my father's definition means talking to siao nang everyday. Ms Ni says i'm suited for sociology for some reason. i dunno why.

7 things you need to know about field camp

SHORT WALK

DIG HARD

HOT CHOW

GOOD FIGHT

LONG NIGHT

SLEEP TIGHT

and that the Red Army Leader Is very good at mindfucking